I’m 60...

after years of mental health struggles and physical my GP said to me...Aspergers? He noticed I was diagnosed with Irlens Syndrome while at university in 2008. Then my diagnosis of emotional unstable personality disorder (BDP) made him stop and he put 2 and 12 together as I was talking about my struggles with forms for esa review and my ritual life style, debilitating fatigue (diagnosed as fibro) and he clicked.

I said I had mentioned it a few times to my care coordinator that I thought I was as my research rang bells even from my childhood, meltdowns, relationship problems ( I have no friends and have been called weird and offish or rude). My father was an engineer and spent hours in the shed obsessing over measuring and metals, but he had no social skills or tolerance and sensory sensitivity too.

To hear mt GP say it made me feel I had been ‘seen’ for the first time, someone actually acknowledged me and got me and it all made sense and I have been smiling ever since. Yes, I have my own internal planet and it’s ok, I’m not mad I am made this way....and I can deal with that.

i have had a long time to manage, observe and understand some of my behaviour tho it does leak out sometimes and I make faux pas. I’m super organising as I have learnt this stops stress, everything has a place so I can find it like packing my bag the night before lectures for an MA I doing..and student services have been been great. I get acupuncture once a week on my hardest day then rest the next as I’m overwhelmed by the energy spent being in a social environment. 

On path to have official diagnosis but I just know now and it has made all the difference. Then only draw backs are revising my past seeing it in a new light and I suspect my son is on the spectrum as he has asked me if I think he is, he is in his twenties. We both did an online test and ta da! Yep...and out our family we are the only two who get each other and understand our little habits and rituals and appalling humour as we are very blunt when left alone and no one is around...we can just be ourselves and it’s a great pressure release for us when we have to fit in with NT people. We can be honest about thoughts others don’t get.

Being my age and female flying under the radar for so long is a relief...a big one, I can embrace myself as just being me.

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