Published on 12, July, 2020
does anyone else get like this? I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.
however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped. If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down. I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager. My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening. If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.
I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this. I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.
Does anyone else have similar struggles?
Yes I have similar issues. They do not understand. They say I am the difficult one. I was told that iam quick to criticise when someone else does wrong but i do not like being told when iam doing wrong. but if they understood that my issues are autism related. then there would be no issue.
Ex friends that did not understand also used to keep saying. You dont understand that you offend people do you. or are you thick or something.
My Parents do not understand autism and say iam difficult/rude/miserable etc.
I need someone to talk to that understands.
James
Smokey Cockatiel said:I need someone to talk to that understands.
I had 4 months of weekly one to one intensive face to face sessions with an autism plus worker last year, and it changed my life in so many ways and on so many levels.
All we did really, or rather all I did (I did most of the talking) was talk about the things you mentioned and more. It was like finally having somebody to listen to me who understood me, made all the difference in the world.
I have recently been referred back to Autism Plus and this time, I’ll use the sessions for more practical things, such as getting my daily routine together, cleaning my house etc, which is what the other sessions were going to be for, or so I thought!
It turns out that what I really needed, before I could even start taking steps of a practical nature, was somebody to listen to me, who understood me.
So you are definitely barking up the right tree with that statement. It was hard going and it took me another few months to process everything we had talked about etc but I can now see the benefits and like I said, I’m about to take my first baby steps forward, out of this burnout.
You’ve actually made me realise just how important those sessions are. You can self refer if you have the money to pay for the sessions with Autism Plus. I’m not recommending them specifically but I do recommend getting some sessions with somebody who understands.
I've never wanted to share my personal business with anyone, I'm quite a private person. But I just keep running into problems that no one else I know seems to. So I actually think it would be very beneficial to talk to someone that understands these things. My mum doesn't get it at all, and just tells me to join the real world and get a grip, so I've stopped talking to her. Think having someone to share things with that understands and can help me move forward through understanding why I do things would help. Where did you have your one to one sessions?
Honestly, I was just the same as you. But after two years of not leaving my house, I could not ignore the fact that I needed some help! It had to get so bad for me before I could accept it.
And honestly, hand on heart, it was the best thing I ever did. It’s was like, WoW, I didn’t realise you could share a problem and actually get help with it!
For me, it was so important working with an nt but one who understood autism. And she was true to her word, the sessions were about whatever I wanted them to be about. Most of the time she just listened but her listening, understanding and really hearing me had a huge positive impact.
She also noticed how intelligent I was. I never really saw this before but seeing it how she did, I could see it, and this gave me a lot more confidence and pride in myself. Not an arrogant type of pride, but proud of my achievements and my gifts.
The sessions were first held in the job centre but I used to freak out in the job centre, the security guards were always on my back and I had come close to a lock down 3 times. So she moved our sessions to a private room at the library. I like the library and went there anyway, so that was a good place for me. And our last session (and extra one she gave me) was in a coffee shop I go to. So I think you can pretty much have the sessions, wherever would be best for you.
I don’t know how much the sessions cost but I can say, they will be worth every penny. I had 4 months intensive, which was a bit much really, I could have taken them slower but it’s like because of the state I was in, I needed to keep going with them and keep them to weekly. So you probably might only need maybe one session every couple of weeks to start with, to see how it will work best for you. You need processing time as well which is very important. I’m still processing what we covered, but my situation is different.
I’ve just been referred back, and this time I’m going to have the sessions every two weeks and they’re going to be for different reasons this time, more practical reasons.
But honestly, it was scary opening up etc but I got so much more out of it than just the actual support. It’s like it’s opened up my world in so many ways. It will be worth every penny.