Published on 12, July, 2020
does anyone else get like this? I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.
however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped. If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down. I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager. My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening. If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.
I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this. I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.
Does anyone else have similar struggles?
Yes, I have experienced similar problems. One of my current managers wants to tell me all about her family, and discuss relationship problems she is having - for me this is deeply uncomfortable. With hindsight I can see how she may have perceived my reaction to her attempts to be friends as a rejection. others in the team are Facebook friends with her, this does not feel appropriate to me.
I have got on well with managers where there were clear boundaries in our relationship. I also need to respect my manager's behaviour and competence. If they behave badly, make poor decisions and are disrespectful or bullying I can't ignore it and get on with my job like colleagues can.
It is a real problem as relatively few managers seem to have the appropriate training, knowledge and skills to manage NT people, let alone autistic people. Senior managers discussing line managers who are acknowledged to have poor management skills say things like: "She'll never change, that's just the way she is". I find this utterly mystifying.
Not sure what the answer is. Self employment probably, but that isn't feasible for everyone. I think managers need more training and 360 degree appraisal and exit interviews should be standard. At the moment life is very difficult indeed if you are perceived to be different in some way and you can't bring yourself to be social with your manager. This should not count against us but it often does.
Part of the problem is that beyond a certain point, being a "do-er" no longer leads to additional rewards. For some reason the people that actually do are looked down upon. Once you reach that point, if you want/need further career progression/rewards, then you have to become a manager. At the point they become a manager, many perceive that you no longer do (anything) except manage (whatever they perceive that to be, but doing work doesn't usually seem to be a part of it). My experience seems to suggest that the three most common draws for people wanting to go into management are:
1. Laziness,
2. Reward hungry,
3. Desire to bully.
People rarely seem to be selected for management on the basis of their ability to manage anything, lead and look after their team, find problems and solutions, plan and execute projects etc.
Often the people selected to manage something were actually never any good at what they were selected to manage, and they don't have any interest in it. So they can't help their team improve their skills/performance etc. because they don't know how to do it well anyway! Instead they seem to waste time chasing unicorns at the end of rainbows expecting to see mystical rewards for things they don't understand.
In my first job I was unfortunately lucky in that the management was actually very good. Ofc. I didn't realise that at the time, being a youngling and all. I've also come across the odd manager who could actually manage. The good managers never really seem to do very well in the organisations though.
Essentially the only ability it seems selects for management is ability at the social game and a desire/willingness to bully people.
I definitely have found this to be the case quite often. And that’s how I feel at the moment with my current line manager. Every time I’ve raised problems with training, communication etc I’ve been told she’s been there for years and knows a lot more than me.
Many times in the past I’ve found some of the worst people that have been promoted to management roles have been the ones worst at the job. They micromanage and belittle others to cover their incompetence. I’m really bad at lying, and I just don’t get this ‘game.’ People keep telling me to play the game, smile, and talk about holidays or the weather. But if I struggle with someone or feel out of control this is just impossible for me.