Wasn’t sure if to write here or not but I am hoping for some advice.
Whilst I was going through the diagnosis process i kept coming on here and have read over and over again how getting diagnosed has helped in some way and how others were worried they wouldn’t get diagnosed due to NHS not diagnosing in the area. I guess I am one of the lucky ones as I was diagnosed very quickly and this is why I feel so bad.
There seems to be so many people looking for a diagnosis and I have one and don’t serm to be happy. I have been trying to look at the positives but I feel very negative about the diagnosis and am struggling to cope. I am wanting to know if anybody else’s does or has felt the same.
i am sorry if my complaining is frustrating for those who are wanting a diagnosis I do realise I have been lucky
I have felt like killing myself, several times, after getting my diagnosis and felt mortified, humiliated and utterly distraught at many more times.
These occasions usually followed a huge enlightening moment. For example, I remember being delighted that I could view my behaviour in the way many others (nt’s) viewed it. Then I was not only mortified and humiliated but I became suicidal as I realised, that just because I was now aware of it, it doesn’t mean I can do anything about it. And what would it mean if I could? Would it mean I never speak again?
It’s been a very up and down journey and I’ve had to dig deep and anchor in and the diagnosis enabled me to do that. Pre diagnosis I at best didn’t have a clue what I was doing and at worse, I was driving people away and hurting myself in the process. It was very confusing and I had no anchor point. I didn’t even think I was a human, because I had never met anyone else like me.
But slowly, but surely, with a tremendous amount of support and education from the people on this site and the wider site, reading books, watching YouTube videos, getting support workers and putting my trust in them, the people at my autism group and giving myself the time and space to come to terms with it, I have, but not only have I done that, but I have also come to accept it and love myself because of it or in spite of it.
It’s been a little over 12 months so far and I think I’m at a turning point but I’m also taking the next 12 months (or as long as is needed) to work out how I fit into the world, now I know who I am. And my first quest is to work on my health and fitness and building relationships at my autism group and finding things to do that I enjoy and find fun. I’ve got a lot to learn but I will make sure I take my time and enjoy every step of the way.
I honestly never expected the roller coaster journey post diagnosis, I didn’t see it coming at all, but I can see now that it’s been a necessary cleansing and learning process as well as one of discovery and falling in love, with me :)
Hi blue ray
sorry it has taken so king to respond I have read the replies but today has not been a good day. I’m totally isolating myself and like u mentioned I feel like ending everything. It sound dramatic I know but I feel sort of labelled with the diagnosis and feel there is no way out.
i think it is great reading how you all dealt with things different but are now well and accepting of your diagnosis I just wish I could get there too.
what I am finding is hard Is that I don’t see people as different regardless of if the have a physical disability, mental health issues or anything really so why I’m not accepting me I don’t know
sorry I’m rambling now,
Its really important to get help from someone if you're feeling that way. Do you have anyone that can help you talk to your GP/mental health services?
I've been suicidal a lot in the past so I know how horrible it is to go through. Things will get better though, promise
Also, didn't mean to imply in that last post that you're not capable of doing those things yourself - just meant that it can feel a bit overwhelming to organise that kind of stuff by yourself when you're feeling low.
Hi Pokémon go
I know you didn’t mean I wasn’t capable, you are right though everything is a little bit overwhelming. I have had some issues at my local drs over last 12 months and all drs have changed when I asked for my old dr I was told I couldn’t have him but it wasn’t anything I had done wrong. I wasn’t getting any answers and I have been treat really bad. Due to this I have got a family member who has been trying to sort it.
we have found when she goes in with me when collecting prescriptions or to see drs they are fine but when I go on my own they are rude, I thought I wasn’t believed so I made her sit back so it looked like I was on my own and she saw how they are treating me. It is really upsetting as I have a physical disability which requires ongoing medication and visits and they have been great with me, I had no reason to complain. However I get diagnosed with autism and it’s awful, I wouldn’t go in if I dint have to collect my meds ( controlled drugs so can’t give me long term supply).
things got that bad I took too much medication so ended up at hospital and the drs response was that I’m causing them work, when I looked a bit blank sort of in shock they said I might not be in the surgery but when I do stupid things like that they are informed and have paperwork to do.
anyway I appreciate your nice comments it helps knowing people understand
Hi xiv, sorry for the slow reply.
The way you've been treated at your GPs sounds so frustrating, and it must be annoying not being able to see your old doctor. I recently tried to get an appointment with a GP who was really kind and understanding about my autism, only to be told that she had retired
I've found that if I have a physical problem, doctors are friendly and helpful but if I have a mental health issue or autism-related issue, they are (usually) much less sympathetic and don't always know what to suggest. Taking a family member with you is a good plan cos, like you say, then they can see how you are being treated.
Take care x