This is my experience, and I'm writing it at a time when I don't feel good, but I just felt like I needed to say this, and I needed to say it where people might understand. I haven't posted or commented on this forum for over three years, for which I'm very sorry.
This is being an Aspergirl:
1) it's not being diagnosed until you're 20 (and that's comparatively young I think) because everyone looks for the traits of Asperger's that are recognisable in boys, and no one thinks that a girl might be struggling just as much, even if in a slightly different way. No one sees how hard we have to work every day of our lives to seem 'normal'.
2) It's being excluded and bullied to some extent at every school, childminder, club, or university you go to.
3) It's loneliness
4) It's the toll of all that becoming an eating disorder when you are 13, that still plagues you at 24. It's being hospitalised for long periods where people don't understand your meltdowns, and simply don't understand you...at least at first (I have met some really good mental health workers in my time).
5) It's being asked by a nurse: 'why do you have anorexia, were you abused?', replying 'never', and not being believed -- because, surely, surely, there must be a terrible trauma in your life to want to punish yourself every day. It's the guilt you feel when you know that there is no tangible reason for your difficulties, and then the realisation that yes, there is a trauma. Your trauma is that you have lived your whole life not easily understanding or being understood by the world around you; and it's the terrible strain of trying to navigate a world that bewilders you.
6) It's being naive. It's suffering sensory overload.
7) It's being told in class your whole life that you talk too much, interrupt, are too intense.
8) It's trying to explain, after you make a blunder, through the uncontrollable tears, that you never mean any harm.
9) It is not a lack of empathy. It's aching after everyone you know and don't know, constantly. It's like George Eliot wrote: 'if we had a keen vision and feeling for all human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow, or the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar that lies on the other side of silence.' (may not be a perfectly remembered quote)
10) It's constant, constant anxiety. And quite often, exhaustion and sadness.
11) It's feeling you are faulty, bad and wrong.
This is a very negative list, but I'm feeling bad right now. I do have amazing parents and, over the last few years, some truly brilliant and unusual friends. I'm lucky to have always been loved by my dedicated and patient family.
Awe thank you, I have experienced in my life though that even though I am kind and friendly I still get treated badly
I don’t know about that lol I Come across people who are horrible or just liars and just use me. But I have met a couple of people who are friendly.
And your welcome I thought a screenshot maybe a lot easier to explain then me trying to type out to explain lol xx
I know what you mean. It can be hard to know who is trustworthy. Sometimes I think it turns out to be the people you least expect to get on with who end up being really good friends. But I know what you mean, and I feel I've experienced it too, though I do think I've found some lovely people too. But when I was at school, I also used to hide in the library every break time because I didn't really feel welcome in common rooms etc. People are really complicated too, and one person can often do mean and kind things both at different times. It can be so hard to judge where to put your trust. I'm so sorry :-(. I just really hope you know that they are the ones wuth the problem, not you. Xx
Thank you, it is hard to know who is trustworthy. I have always had trouble with friendships so I am hoping to either find friends on here that maybe one day I could meet up with and be able to enjolife. Or find some groups or something to find friends . Thank you, my parents always say it’s their loss not yours xx
Thank you so much for your reply. And sorry for not getting back to you earlier (I'm really terrible at replying to messages/posts/anything!) I was really touched by your response and I hope I helped.
(Sorry for hijacking your post a bit by going on about my own things. I was really just trying to show how I related. I feel I got a bit self-obsessed!)
This forum really does seem to be a great place for reassurance that you're not alone!
Hi AmyLR94, I relate a lot to what you say. Even though it seems there are these milestones we need to reach (either because we really want to or because we feel that is what is expected of us), but, as cliched as it is to say, everyone reaches them at different stages, or not at all and that is fine! I know how frustrating it is too feel other people are moving on and achieving things (especially the things people take for granted, like having friends).
That said, my family would often say to me exactly what I just said to you and I would get really annoyed and say "but that's not going to help me achieve these things so it doesn't really help! It's just empty words".
But they're not empty words, it really is true. The number of friends you have isn't a measure of your worth. But if you want to meet more friends, it seems like you are going about it well *applause*! Wider society and the messages from media and things don't really accommodate the real diversity of lifestyles, which can make you feel bad about yourself. I'm still sensitive to these messages but my self-diagnosis has allowed me to feel more accepting of my own ways of going about things. I hope an official diagnosis will help more, I know it won't be that straightforward though.
I suppose I also want to say that different people who have had roundabout and upside down lives are really interesting!
And finally, there's a sort of mantra that I discovered on lifeonthespectrum.net that says “I am no longer a failed normal person. I am a successful aspie.” (Not that anyone should see themselves as a failed normal person! But it can feel that way.) There is no need to feel bad about finding things difficult that NTs don't. You sound like a really interesting person with lots of interests that you can share with the right people when they come along
Just wanted to add being here with other autistics it is safe to just be yourself, no judgement, I have been a member for over a year and know acceptance of high level exists, we are a close community and WE don’t make rules we just get along.
please go off topic or ramble on, because without realising it someone, maybe even me will read it and find some kind of recognition or even help just by knowing they are not so different after all.
Thank you it can be hard to see everyone moving on. However, reading what you have said it makes me think that I should just concentrate on what I want. To concentrate on making friends, finding a career and not let anything stop me. Yes I will hit speed bumps in the road but I know that I will overcome them somehow.
Thank you for saying that I sound like an interesting person. I would like to show that to people who are like me, to show them how funny, friendly, helpful, caring and just show that even though I find it hard to understand things, I would like to show that I can have a good time xx
This conversation is so nice. Zosh is wise! So are your parents. And you're definitely being really proactive in trying to make friends xx
You are both really great :-)
Thank you, you are great too xx