Goodnight, and Good Luck

Incidentally - the chap in the photo is Edward R. Murrow, the American broadcast journalist.  Prominent in exposing the McCarthyite communist witch-hunt, and even accused himself.  'Goodnight, and good luck' was his closing line.  The film is excellent and well worth watching...

Goodnight, and Good Luck

Btw.. it wasn’t me. A melody helped :) 

You need her and she needs you. 

I assure you all I'm not attention-seeking

There is no reason that you shouldn't be. You need attention paid to the causes of your drinking, your grief, work issues, and general difficulties with being autistic in a non-autistic world. There is no shame in seeking attention if attention is what you need; I'm sure we would all rather that than for you to slip away silently and lonely.

I'm so sorry that I missed what was going on, Tom; you and the other guys on this thread are part of the reason that I returned to the forum after such a long break; there seemed to be a settled bunch of regulars again with good hearts and unafraid to talk about the difficult stuff, after the chaos a few years ago that put me off the forum completely.

Ironically, I had been distracted by reflections on my own battles with alcohol dependency after reading your other thread; I really felt that I ought to have something to say which might help, and as usual, got bogged down trying to find the words to express anything. You have surely been through enough for one day, but I will try to rejoin you on that thread when you have a clearer head, even if it's just to compare notes about how different our experiences of alcohol problems are.

Many years ago, when I was really down and suicidal every day.  My landlords cat kept me going.  She sat on my lap every day and purred and kept me company.

So I really do care about your Daisy.

There are times, Ellie, when I wish I didn't have her.  I'm sure you know what I mean.  Thank you again.  I can't thank you enough xxx

Glad the system works x

Thanks, Beaky.  But I now feel so guilty for causing so much alarm.  That's what drink does.

That's my sole concern, Robert.  I live for her.  If I didn't have her, I know I would have drunk myself to death long ago.  I've already got a letter ready, in case.  I'm adopting her.  If anything happens to me, she goes back to the rescue charity I got her from.  She'll be taken care of, too, because I've bequeathed all of my (small) savings to her welfare, until she has a new home.  And the charity is very picky about who they allow to adopt their cats, so I know it'll be a good home.  But I don't want that to happen.  So, as it stands at the moment, she keeps me this side of disaster.  Bless her.  I don't think she realises just how much she means to me.  When Chris Packham said he wanted to commit suicide when his dog died... I understand that.  She's mine for life.  I measure the rest of my life in tandem with hers.  If she reaches a good age for cats, I'll be in my mid-70s. Long enough, maybe.

Well, I'm sure we are all glad the police have been to check on you.

Look at how many of us care about you.

Tom, go and see your GP in the morning, get signed off work and use all the support options and groups you can find to work through this tough time.

And keep talking to us all.

Thanks, Cassandro.  Yes... after a week of sobriety, it's really got its grips again.  AA isn't really the place for me.  It's known to be not really good for autistic people.  Part of it stems from the 'alcoholic' having to accept that they are in the wrong, and therefore need to make amends to all the 'wronged' people.  The only wronged person in my life is me.  I shared at length tonight about my autism, and the effect it's had on my life, and the reasons I drink now - and, though I don't really get non-verbal communication, I could sense people switching off, as if they were thinking 'Oh, yes... another excuse to just carry on drinking.'  It doesn't really help.

I'm going to get smashed tonight.  It's the only way I want to be right now.  So I'm going out for another can of beer.  But that will be my last tonight.  And tomorrow, I'm going to my doctor.

I've been following this discussion from the start, without contributing.

So Tom, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

I'm really worried about Daisy.  If anything happens to you.  What will she do?

Glad to see your recent posts Tom.  Was quite alarmed here by the first message, and worried, just like Ellie and the other posters here.

I tend to be more of an "observer" on the forum, but just to echo what has been said already, talk as long as you like here, and hope the GP visit helps.

Take care.

Hi Tom, depression is a terrible affliction which affects people in many ways, and the way they deal with it.  I won't lecture you on the evils of drink, you know that already.  And I hope your visit to the GP is helpful.

Of course we worry about you!  You make many valuable contributions.  And no one deserves or should be in the place you were/are.  Some things are too much to tackle on your own, and the major part of getting to grips with any problem is to admit it is there.  So the future starts right now.

I assure you all I'm not attention-seeking.

That was the last thing on anyone's mind. People here want to help, although some of us don't feel good at it.

It did sound a few days ago like the demon drink was raising its head again. Would an AA mentor help? What's best for the work situation? Maybe there's some counselling available at short notice.

Hope you sleep it off OK.

Oh, Christ.  I've just had the police here to make sure I'm okay.  I'm devastated for causing so much worry.

What absolute dingbats. >> Facebook can be quite the toxic place. What a daft, insensitive (and frankly dangerous) way to treat someone obviously in deep distress.

Well done Ellie, you have worked hard on this.  And for Tom I hope you seek and get the help you need.

Glad you're safe and getting help Tom! 
Hope you can get a good night's rest and things go well at the GP. We're all wishing you good things and here if you need us. x

You really need to tell Facebook to *** off. It’s not doing you any good x