Published on 12, July, 2020
H I don't normally post on her I think I've only replied to one post so here goes. I'm having a really hard time in every way imaginable at the moment. I was diagnosed with AS in November 2015 after 46 year of being diagnosed I am high functioning, although I don't feel it a lot of the time, I have a good job although not so good at the moment but that's another story.
The reason for my upset? My Mum, who I've always been close to, and I had an argument over something so ridiculous its not true, ice cream, WTF, the argument ended with her saying she doesn't understand me and she feels she is stuck with an autistic daughter! I'm hurt really hurt she has never said anything like this to me before and to say it over an argument so trivial makes it even worse it told her to 'go away' although that is the polite version the real one ends in off. Is it just me or is this really really nasty? She has apologised but it doesn't make me feel any better, shes said it, its out there, she cant unsay it. Has anybody else ever experienced anything like this? To top it off I'm having a really bad time at work, the sort of bad time that could lead to me losing my job which I know I'm good at and have been told numerous times I'm good at it.
What hurts more is that for the last few years I have had to do so much for her due to her age, shopping, cleaning, etc. I can't see a way back from this any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the waffle.
The parent /offspring relationship balance is not an easy one in adulthood. It’s something I’m trying to cope with too( 56/88) I don’t think as autistics we are necessarily easy to be with and our parents don’t like losing their independence the combination I find is volatile at times and we/they do verbally lash out . In my case I think it’s also possible my dad is Aspergers... it’s often genetic.. have you thought about anyone else in your own family tree ? Yes it’s hurtful, yes it’s hard to hear and hard to cope with. But realistically we are quirky people to have in others lives and they are kind of stuck with us just as we are with them with their foibles. No one is perfect. I’m sure there will be things about your mum that you don’t love but live with. Yes we have fallen out over such things. You both probably still need each other, both probably help each other and you are both vulnerable and you will be especially so if your job is under threat. I suppose it’s trying to see the situation stepping back a bit which you have done by posting. Can you offload some of what you do to a carer? Can you get your mum a cleaner and or other practical help? Home shop delivery for her? Can she be cared for and safe with other people doing things thereby allowing you to do the follow up tasks and more time to yourself? Most autistics need down time after work so a job, your own home and then your mum and any other commitments is a lot of output. I’m really tired tonight so probably not making much sense. Try to make sure you are looking after yourself first and have things you like doing out of work if you have the time and energy.