Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone,
thank you so much for reading this.
im in a great dilemma and it’s been in my head since last night and I’m trying to work out if other ppl feel the same way.
i have an urge to correct ppl.
for example it’s been very dry, it sais everywhere no bbq in local parks yet ppl still do it. I got in a argument with these 2 group if foreign ppl because I ask them whether they don’t read the signs posted everywhere in the park or don’t watch tv as it’s been prohibited to bbq any public parks even if it’s been allowed previously due to the dry weather.
again they threatened me, I called the police, etc...
i juat can’t keep my mouth shut, if someone doing something wrong I get pissed off.
i get so wound up about people Parking on the double yellow by my son’s school I have been bugging the Council for months to monitor and ticket them.
i also suffer from chronic depression and anxiety disorder.
whT I’m trying to work out as I’m doing so CBT cognitive behavioural therapy is that I get wound up because of my anxiety or my Aspergers.
is it normal I feel like that?
does other ppl do it or it’s just me?
also my 5 yr old son has Aspergers too and he is the same, he can’t stop telling kids off if they doing something wrong and he even tells adults. I have to tell him it’s not his place. But I’m wondering if he picked it up from me or it’s just part of how our brain works.
my therapists said we like rules because that’s how the world make sense. Agreed
so when someone breaks those rules I get angry because I’m frustrated with the lack of certainty.
i don’t know if any of this makes any sense to others but I hope I can get some answers.
thank you so much in advance
Reni
I am NT and recently met a friend with Aspergers and ADHD So I’ve been reading as much as I can about it
I have noticed a lot of people say things they do because they think its because they are autistic
I can assure you now that everyone is the same and think what you think just some people are more open and honest (one quality I love in my friend) and will say what they think where others don’t
We are not that different We are all human
The bit about the male gene is really below the belt, Reni. That's such a personal comment to make - in fact, it's bordering on sexist - and we don't even know whether it's actually scientifically true or not. I'm sorry if you were offended by Martian Tom saying he finds text speak hard to understand, but there really is no need to be so combative. He wasn't saying YOU were lazy, merely that he feels text speak is lazy: it isn't personal, and there was no need for the 'tone' of your response.
Welcome and I think the answer is very simple. As you therapist said, we live by rules as it is the only way we can logically make sense of the illogical neurotypical world, therefore when people are not following the rules it causes us stress and can upset us as we do not know how to respond as people are not doing what they ought to be doing, hence all we know no longer makes sense and we end up in a stress spiral and just want the world to go back to how we know it. Sometimes though, we have to accept the basic rule that people will often not follow rules as the world is illogical.
Andy
NAS38574 said:this was a quiestion about the urge of correcting ppl in general!
yes it was and Tom was very polite and said please about something he has a problem with.
you were then personally abusive to him.
NAS38574 said:This meant to be an adult conversation! No abuse!
Yes I very much agree with you, I'm glad you understand the rules.
This meant to be an adult conversation! No abuse!
i think quite few ppl has stepped over the boundaries!
this was a quiestion about the urge of correcting ppl in general!
if us. With ASD can’t be civil to each other then the world is lost!
nice to chat you all! I don’t have time or energy for negative nonsense so you enjoy picking on each other!
bye
Ouch, why on earth has it got your back up so much that someone dares to correct you when the whole thread is about your urge to correct people?
So it's ok for you to make abuse remarks to your son in an effort to get someone to turn of the clicking noise on a phone, then when some one asks you to write properly because it messes with his brain you launch a personal assault on him? How is that right?
NAS38574 said:You are aware the male gene usually carries it, right? ;)
What male gene, and what is "it"? If you mean the Y chromosome, it actually carries very little. Us men have a genetic stub where women have a full complement of genes. There are many gene variants that have been associated with autism, and supposedly many that haven't been identified.
I find it hard not to be pedantic, including with language. Some of this is a worry that if myths are not challenged, bad actions will result. I also remarked on Ringorin's use of 'flaunt' for 'flout' above. I'd have done so with a sense of humour if I had one. Now I argue with MT's sense of humour because correcting ppl is not exactly the same as correcting 'ppl'. So none of us are alone in this.
MT is also not alone in fearing impacts of mobiles on language and society.
I did not know, now I going to look into it.
It was lovely to read you response. Thank you for your insight
Not laziness, by the way. I did not have time to sit down and write the comment in my phone why watching my 5 yr in the playground. Ppl was easier to write then, but I do appreciate where you come ing from. I like sense a bit judged by you for no apparent reason. If you feel you disagree with my feelings toward people perhaps you should not answer my question. Also I am sensing you have lots of time on your hands, when perhaps you have a few children around you with ASD short for autism spectrum disorder, not laziness you will find less time to criticise. You are aware the male gene usually carries it, right? ;)
I don't hate 'people' - even though I find them difficult to be around for long periods of time. 'Hate' is such a charged word.
NAS38574 said:i have an urge to correct ppl.
So do I. It should be 'people'.
Any chance of writing 'people' instead of 'ppl', please? I find text-speak to be really difficult to understand sometimes. Plus, it's lazy. If you're able to write 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy', then 'people' isn't a huge leap.
I hate ppl but love animals
Yes, all that. Noticing details that don't fit into the pattern is one thing, and a potential strength. However, we may also concentrate on 'negatives' and flaws more than NTs, something which can be also be a cognitive effect of low mood.
I also have to resist an pedantic urge to correct people's use of language, even if it's clear. That's something that surely has nothing to do with consideration or safety, and just makes me a reasonable proof-reader. For example, that thing of using 'flaunt' when 'flout' is obviously meant. By the way, did you know that you can edit your own messages on this forum for several days after they've been posted? You can also ignore anything I say, or tell me to eff off.
I don;t confront people, because I don't want a confrontation to ensue and don't know if the other person might get aggressive or nasty - but I internalise it whenever I see it. It actually drives me mad that I notice and then it irritates me. For example, people standing upstairs on the bus...people smoking in shelters. People cycling through red lights. Etc etc. For me it isn't so much that I want them to obey the rule but it's what you said exactly. The lack of consideration for other people when folk act like they're above the rules is what gets to me. Playing music out loud on a bus is also annoying to me (bad bad music usually, music I'd been embarrassed to admit to). And omg kids running riot in the cinema. I mean it's not a rule, but does it really hurt to not bring your wild toddlers to a 12 screening and not let them climb all over strangers' seats? It's not a creche.
So you're not alone. It's really hard to just deal with it when it's a lot of times a day.
Maybe it is petty, but it's not something that's conscious I don't think. I think it's because we notice detail. And besides, other people think they're better than anyone else by flaunting those rules. That's really infuriating, especially when it's a safety issue.
I hear you there!
I have come to the conclusion that I just don't like people full stop :-)
I do agree with you, I am the same, people park on the pavement outside my house and it drives me mad, it even stops me sleeping as I keep thinking about it. Also if I see people breaking the law like dropping litter, I get so angry.
Exactly the same!