Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m currently happily engaged to my partner who has high functioning autism but even though we have been together for eight years he can’t seem to get comfortable enough to do his ticks in front of me, is any body else currently going through this part of me feels bad/sad that he cant express himself in front of me. I always give him time by himself of a night so he can let it all out.
Maybe he doesn’t want to. I wouldn’t want to do my ticks in front of people, no matter how much I love them. I’m a bit confused as to why you want him to?
I really understand the author.
If I would like someone as a partner, I might like and really enjoy seeing the partner expressing completely naturally in front of me.
But, of course, if he does not want, it is different and, I guess, the partner should respect that. I would be a little bit upset too but I would not press the partner into doing that. I guess, I would keep encouraging the partner to open and say if I like and enjoy something the partner does.
I would be really pleased if the partner would like and enjoy my ticks.
Yeah, it’s a totally individual thing California and I understand, but as you said, it wouldn’t serve anybody to try to press someone to do something they don’t want to do. If we are in that situation, we have to turn it back on ourselves and ask, why is it so important for me that he shows his ticks? The answers will be transformative. Also, it could be perceived by the other person, that they’re being looked at like a circus act or something. They may be unable to say why they don’t want to be so expressive in front of them just now. The person may not even know themselves so they don’t want to say anything that’s not true. It might be sacred time for them, their special time. Who knows, but it’s nobodies business but theirs and when and if they need to talk about this or whatever, they will when they feel safe to do so.
And I can totally relate to what you said about being pleased about your partner enjoying your ticks. I have only ever been in love once. It was love at first sight and it was unconditional love. It turns out, the guy (who is still in my life, 30 years later but lives in a different country) loved me for my quirkes, that I didn’t even know I had! Over the years (the very unconventional relationship lasted two years), I reflected on this and I think it is definitely this, that helped me to begin to love all of myself. I had a friend as well, several years later, who saw the same things in me that he did but she left my life, all of a sudden, with no word, after several years of friendship. But it’s still very comforting to know how much they loved those individual things about me. It still brings me joy when I think about it.