Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you guys go about turning down parties? I can't deal with big social events at all and avoid them like the plague for a variety of reasons (anxious amongst lots of people, will not dress up for going out, hardly like any food so meals are a problem, noise, can't deal with all the conversations). I don't really like to explain this to people especially as I'm not diagnosed so I can't even give that as a reason. I usually go with distance or money. There is a party being organised for work at the moment and several people are trying to persuade me to go. I find these conversations very difficult and they keep coming up with solutions to my reasons for not going. How would other people deal with this?
I'm sometimes OK with parties for a limited time but then usually either get stressed, overwhelmed or bored (or a combination of all 3) In the past I've always got around this by having something important to get up for early the following morning as an excuse for leaving early. If you explain this when you get there then its generally more acceptable to the NTs. I have just disappeared from social events in the past but I don't like doing it as I always worry about it afterwards. Since being diagnosed 7 months ago I've not been invited to any parties anyway, but I haven't 'come out' as an aspie yet anyway except too a select few so not sure if I'd tell people the truth or not at the mo, but probably not as most people don't seem to get it anyway.
The anxiety that would be involved with going just would not be worth it. Even for a short time. I tend to assume people won't get it if I'm truthful. I may be being harsh but I tried to explain this to a friend for her 30th (which I did go to for about an hour as I felt it was right to go for a birthday and it wasn't a huge party) but she just replied "well how can you not like going to a bar". I don't find people understand my quirks. They just think it's odd.
Why do you want people to ‘get it’ and do you think it’s even possible for an nt person to understand an autistic person?
My sister was horrified when I said I wasn’t going to my son’s surprise masquerade ball party for his 30th birthday but at least when it came to saying I wasn’t going to her daughter’s wedding she already had me down as some kind of selfish piece of s**t so it wasn’t as shocking for her and it made it much easier for me to turn her down ~ not that I find it difficult to do that anymore, since I simply decided to start telling the truth. Afterall, what can I expect from others when all I’m doing is telling lies instead of telling the truth about myself?
Yeah, that’s it. I think we’re very lucky that there are nt people who get it, at least enough to truly support us and appreciate how much it means to us, I just wonder if they really get it, at that deeper level. Not that it matters, I just have a very inquisitive and curious mind :)
there will be different levels of 'getting it' I guess... but I think know what you are getting at...that it will never be quite the same as actually experiencing it