Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you guys go about turning down parties? I can't deal with big social events at all and avoid them like the plague for a variety of reasons (anxious amongst lots of people, will not dress up for going out, hardly like any food so meals are a problem, noise, can't deal with all the conversations). I don't really like to explain this to people especially as I'm not diagnosed so I can't even give that as a reason. I usually go with distance or money. There is a party being organised for work at the moment and several people are trying to persuade me to go. I find these conversations very difficult and they keep coming up with solutions to my reasons for not going. How would other people deal with this?
I simply say, no thank you, to the invite and if I feel moved to add any more, I would simply say I don’t like big events. Everybody I know, knows I’m autistic and if they didn’t, I would tell them and if pressed, I might just say, it’s an autistic thing. But I’ve realised, that it was only ever me that stressed about such things, nobody cares if I go or don’t go, they might encourage me and say they’d love me to go, but in truth nobody really cares if I’m there or not as they’re too busy enjoying themselves to care about who’s not there. I would keep it as simple as possible and simply tell the truth, that these type of events cause a meltdown and I don’t enjoy them so thank you but no thank you. After you have done this several times, they’ll get the picture and will stop asking. They might not understand it but they’ll accept it and you could say that if they ever plan something that you don’t find highly stressful, then you would absolutely love to join them. To show interest, you could also ask that they tell you all about it after they’ve been and you can pretend you’re interested for a few minutes.