I was thinking the other day when I was at yet another low, why am I so hard on myself?
Well, I have had an extremely difficult life. Absent father who worked abroad, youngest child and consequently the butt of all childhood bullying and pranks. abused physically and sexually by my brother who was older by 6 yearsUndiagnosed dyslexia( hard to have had done in the 60's) and so always the 'bad school reports'. Shifted through three schools by the age of 9 through family being moved abroad. Sent to Boarding school and separated from my family, where I was kinda glad to get away from my father.
Beacause of the expensive schooling was blamed for bad education though was diagnosed by a teacher as being at least dyslexic but parents went into denial so no help there but did get abused physically, there and at home. Went to senior boarding school where it was quite brutal at times but still glad to be away from home. Dreaded ever going home to wait for yet another bad report. Got 5 O' levels after being kept back a year but didn't want to stay at school anymore. tried to do A 'levels but couldn't. Didn't know what I wanted to do with myself.
Had lots of failed relationships but was good looking so no probs there getting women, got a job skill which I was good at but couldn't work well with others .Had a career that went up and down, tried to work abroad. Tried my own business, was successful then had a car crash and damaged my spine. Went back into bad depression, tried suicide but survived. Endless bouts with depression ad nauseum and so on and so on. Am now on my own and waiting for yet more surgery, single and lonely but have two dogs.
And with all that I was watching the Jeremy Kyle show and suddenly realised that with all that I have been through in my life, there is no way that I am as sad and pathetic than the couples and families that he gets to go on his shows!!!!!
Seems like you answered your own question. You've been hard on yourself because other people have been hard on you.
I'd never thought there was anything positive about Jeremy Kyle, but you've proved me wrong. The dogs probably couldn't care less.
Hi there, I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences. This is something no one to have endure or suffer alone or in silence. In response to the question ' Why am I so hard on myself?' it is an open question leading to various different reasons. Perhaps you may have high morals or expectations of how you see yourself in life e.g. employment, owning a house, form close relationship or friendships...(the list is endless).
Taking into consideration all that you have experienced. Without sounding like a little over the top; it really must of been such a strenuous time. A lot of things can affect people in many areas of their life. I have never been physically abused but, it must be tough more ways than one. Despite, studying and things in between to keep you going. You lose all self hope, self-image, self-worth to the point where you don't value or appreciate yourself and your at rock bottom.
Relationships are tricky as we all know. But, for me personally speaking it was never about their appearance it was the true beauty within that shined through above all. Having a job comes with its own challenges it comes the territory. You never know what the day will bring but you try to remain optimistic and positive. There will always be hurdles to overcome but gradually you will get there.
Attempting suicide is something not everyone understands or perhaps wants to talk about (which is understandable). But, it is like a cry for help for some people or a way for them to escape the trouble he or she may have in their life. It is never straightforward to literally attempt suicide.
Depression can one of the most cruellest things one ever has to go through. At times, is sugar-coated or seen as something completely different. It is not the case that someone chooses to be depressed but when something like this persists it can be anything. It is hard to confined in someone who has little understanding. It is worth mentioning that maybe this particular person(s) hasn't experienced and find it hard to emphasise what you are saying. It is never an open and shut case. For some medication works for others it doesn't have that effect. Other ways can be found like one to one support, counselling or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (otherwise known as CBT) etc.
As for the surgical procedure, it might be unsettling to know you are having major surgery weighing up the pros and cons. As well as any risks or side effects. Ultimately, the decision is yours. There may be other professionals who can deal with specific areas e.g. back, spine etc. The people on 'The Jeremy Kyle Show' is not a show I consider watching but you have to give thanks and credit to yourself for holding on day by day. It takes such courage, determination, willingness amongst other attributes. You have to give yourself a lot of praise and a pat on the back.
I'm hard on myself because I worry that if I'm not, I'll become a 'bad person'.
Yes that is always in the back of my mind too. I sometimes think that I would be good at it.
Thank you for your words. I try to be kind to myself but don't think I deserve it. Even when I do.
In what way?
Slack off, start smoking, be rude and inconsiderate...
I wouldn't say any of these were really 'bad' but I guess we all use the word differently. I smoke, for instance, but I don't think about it as being 'bad' except on those occasions when I've been trying to stop and didn't manage it.
I suppose I do feel that being inconsiderate is bad in some situations though. I don't like myself much if, on reflection, I think I've been inconsiderate to someone who deserved my consideration.
If you think that smoking is in any way related to any of the issues I've had to endure in my life then I think you're missing the point entirely. smoking is like any other addiction, not a habit. You can give up by gradual decreasing of cigarettes. It's by far the easiest way. Cold turkey is a one in 100,000 chance of quitting, patches are expensive and you are still absorbing nicotine. The financial side is a good motivator to stop as well. Imagine burning five pound notes every time you light up.
Because it feels right