Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a coward .The question over autism spectrum disorder constantly hangs over me ,but I'm too scared to press for an assessment. Although I have autistic traits I question whether I would meet the full criteria. In fact I fit a similar thing non-verbal learning disorder better. The trouble being NVLD is scarcely recognised in this country . The local autism service doesn't cover NVLD so the fear is the rejection of an autism diagnosis will not result in other avenues being explored. This in turn would cement/strengthen the ignorant and misguided belief that everything relates back to the mental health diagnosis. Then there is the issue that as an adult there's not much support whether you're on the spectrum or NVLD. It would be nice though to be able to say to all the ignorant f******s it was always much more than a case of being "awkward,demanding and troublesome"
[Edited by Moderator]
My advice, particularly based on your final sentence, is to start the process of obtaining a diagnosis.
At the moment you are second-guessing the outcome. You question whether you would meet the full criteria but you are not an expert.
I think I would feel more confident if family said " Yes we definitely think you are onto something worth pursuing" . These after all are the people who know me best. I post my concerns on Facebook but nobody really takes the bait and says " Go ahead.we'll support you". It makes me think they think I'm talking out of my backside.
The trouble with that is your family probably don't see the problems that you have. You know them, you are comfortable with them. My mother's take on it "but you always seem so capable" - she couldn't believe that I have big problems in social situations and suffer from severe anxiety .... but then she would never see me in those situations, so there's no reason why she should get it. She sees me at home, comfortable, with few people around me who I know and like, and that's it.
I would say it is worth pursuing; your last sentence says that you know at the bottom of your heart that you are not just "awkward,demanding and troublesome", there is a reason for this, all of it, and once you know what it is you can start to understand the reasons and understand yourself better. Yeah, you won't get any support and you won't get any validation. But I can only speak of my experience and having an explanation instead of "you're antisocial / useless / disorganised / awkward" is actually a relief.
I think my family knows to some extent even if not fully. For example I got my sister to score me on the RAADS-R at the aspie tests site and she scored me higher than I scored myself. She scored me lower for language but much higher for the social element. My sister has said that she always thought I was most likely dyspraxic . My stepdaughter is co-ordinating daily living support for me and had to write a description of me. Among the things she said , which I've mentioned several times , is difficulty initiating conversations and making small talk. I guess I just need one of them to say- "Go for the assessment. We'll support you" as that would make me feel more confident