Feel lonely


My names is Janusz and I’m in the process of self diagnosis. 

I’m also recovering addict and now I’m sober for 7 months. I feel that addiction was my coping mechanism for various issues so now I’m sober I find life very difficult. I’m not saying that I’m not happy with that I’m sober but it all came back at me. 

When I share my challenges I’m accused by people close to me that I’m preparing another relaps. 

So I don’t like sharing anything 

Does anybody here got some experience in relation to my situation? 

I genuily feel lonely. 


Parents Reply
  • That makes the booze a good thing then doesn’t it or do you like the demon to stay inside of you?

    As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't make it a good thing - no.  Because there are far better ways for me to achieve that catharsis.  Writing is one such way.  I was entirely sober throughout the time that I wrote my first novel, and it was an amazing feeling to get all of that stuff out of my system and onto paper.  Better than any drug. 

    It's a double-edged thing.  Yes, I admit that, when I'm drunk and that demon comes out, it is a wonderful feeling.  I'll say what I think, abuse people who I think deserve it, etc.  At the same time - I don't like that demon.  Yes, it's a part of who I am.  But it's a part that's always gotten me into a lot of trouble.  I've only smashed things when I've been drunk.  I've only been arrested when I've been drunk.  I've only made serious suicide attempts when I've been drunk, too.  The last one, three years ago, was one of the worst.  I drank a couple of bottles of wine in an afternoon.  I was feeling okay, watching a film.  But then I went into black out.  The next thing I know, I was staggering around in the street.  An ambulance picked me up and took me to hospital, where I was Sectioned.  It turned out I'd overdosed on anti-depressants, too.  I don't even remember taking them.  I awoke in hospital that night and I couldn't feel my legs.  Every time I closed my eyes, I was seeing weird patterns... shapes coalescing from a black fog.  It was terrifying.  Absolutely terrifying.  Losing control to such an extent that I could have died.  In another blackout, a few years earlier, I went on a rampage and smashed up the boiler room of the block of flats I was living in - because another tenant had died, and it looked like the landlord was to blame for not servicing the boiler properly.  So, I was in an emotionally unstable state at the start.  And at the finish, I woke up in a police cell... and it cost me my flat.  None of it would have happened if I hadn't picked up a drink.

    Every time I drink, I feel great at first.  I can conquer the world.  But I know I'm also playing Russian Roulette with it.  Anything can happen.

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