This is a root and branch (pardon the pun), fresh-start, clean slate thread...and continuation of the Are there any women here? post
I'm still here in the long grass and I hope the discussions will continue as it's still reassuring to read other people talk about life in a way I understand. I do hope also that men like Lonewarrior and others who identify with a more female iteration of autism feel free to comment too, not all men are the stereotype either.
Does anyone else feel completely trapped in their lives, or are you in stable, even happy relationships and jobs that have survived the revelation of being autistic? For the most part I'm behaving exactly as I always have because I see no alternative for survival, but some days I feel sure I'm just shy of breaking completely. ()
Hi spotty thank you for your kind words, and also the kind words echoed by Talentedmute.
Sadly I crashed out early this evening and only just woke up.
been a bit busy in various ways lately.mostly mentally.
Sorry you are still waiting for that validation of a formal diagnosis.
Also sad that you feel you are barely surviving, ready to break. You are not alone in that thought.
Not willing to share ,sorry.
Like you I am behaving in the most part as I always have, but I am also trying to be me, it isn’t being met with much acceptance from all directions!
I tried being me as an autistic at work but for the most part was rejected in many ways, I decided to ease off and just dig deep and carry on with the mask as best I could. Near impossible with my new found knowledge.
Work is very exhausting and full of frustration.
I work in an environment that is very manly, big strong men, They know I cannot associate with there way of thinking but make no attempt to be flexible, if anything they seem to relish being more manly. Watching videos that seek to belittle females.
or videos that think fighting or bullying can be Fun?
It can become overwhelming and starts to seep into my head like a viral infection spreading and causing me to feel ill.
I cannot blame anyone as they have only ever known the masked version of me, The me that always fits the needs of those around me, The me that comes across as being capable and exceptionally good at my job.
I can see how they feel, I try to reach out and help by giving an understanding but they aren’t really bothered so long as I am not a danger to them they cannot be bothered. I am to much like hard work.
I had a bad experience that gave me my first strong shutdown in that straight after It I froze, my mind stopped, I couldn’t see enough to write, the words I had to write didn’t come, I got in my van to come home and screamed and cried, I best myself up mentally, I felt anger and sadness, I could only feel sad that such ignorance was used against me. I spent a great deal of time thinking it over and I can see where the comments came from and Why, I have since worked with the same man and I forgive him.
He needs to understand the various types of autism and hopefully will one day, he only knows autism as a bad thing as he has a nephew with it who struggles with most everything. I on the other hand appear to be doing rather well so should not dare even think let alone say I am autistic.
I have reached if not passed the point where I feel I need support, and although my manager did say they would support me they ended that talk with “ once you have seen your GP and got your diagnosis you can get back to being normal” ouch ouch ouch, they had no idea just how painful those last few words were.
I really do share an awful lot with many of the things talked about in here.
I visit very often, and although I often feel like commenting I settle for tapping the up arrow. It shows I am here in spirit,
I like the fact that all women can come here and feel totally free to talk about just what life is like being a female with autism.
It is more than just autism that effects females there are many things that come with autism and being female. More so than for many males. I am not saying that men in any way are effected less by autism, but that females are loaded with many more expectations as Society dictates.
Anyway I have rambled on enough, and written enough to last a very long time, whoops I do chatter when I get going, sorry!
thank you for allowing me to exhist and I look forward to hearing from you more. That goes for all of you regardless of the wiring.
Take care and never feel you are on your own,
Lonewarrior said:I often feel like commenting I settle for tapping the up arrow. It shows I am here in spirit,
I do this as well. At times I would truly like to add more... yet I am (currently) in no position of Authority. That is my own excuse apart from Fear and Illness anyway... (!)
Hi Lonewarrior, so sorry to hear you are feeling isolated at work. We spend so much of our lives at work and the stress of dealing with people who are giving you negative vibes or making you feel bad can be quite exhausting.
I don't know how long you have been dealing with this or how much longer you need to work, I'm 62 so thankfully my working days are drawing to an end. You are very good at your job and so I'm sure you get enjoyment out of that, I just hope that you can find ways to make life at work in this sector easier for yourself and have ways to recharge yourself and de-stress when you are not at work.
Please don't take their ignorant comments to heart, you know who you are and that is all that matters.