Just want to chat

Hi all, my first post. I'm 55 and was diagnosed with a SpLD (Dyspraxia) in 2003, but it never fit. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspies and me too just recently. It's helped a lot, but doesn't stop the pain. I had a meltdown today. I was trying to get my pigheaded colleague to authorise something but he kept throwing it back at me telling me things I already knew and what I should be doing but he didn't give me what I needed. The crazy thing is, I've been doing the job for about 3 years and him only a few months, so he's treating me like I don't know anything just because he's a senior grade. I couldn't get him to see logic. This isn't the first time and I know he doesn't respect me. I had a meltdown and couldn't stop. It's like acid brain and there's little me inside watching the tears and frustration, sobbing in the ladies' loos, and I have no control. I made my lovely boss cry as I told her to go away when she was just trying to help. I could her an upset wobble in her voice but I couldn't stop. I feel so guilty and devastated. I just want to curl up and sleep afterwards but, even if I could, I feel so ashamed afterwards I can't settle. I feel, even though I was justified in getting deeply frustrated with the lack of logic, it was still my fault I hurt people. Does this happen to you?

Alexandra

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  • Daily, I avoid people because I can't ever gauge exactly what they mean with certainty, I upset people so easily but that is so against my wishes that I frequently feel more upset about what pain I may have caused than the person to whom I am supposed to have caused it.

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  • I'm familiar with that.  When I offend people unintentionally I feel very very quilty.

  • I feel deeply for people and hate it when I upset them. The guilt is overwhelming and I chew at it over and over. My boss is definitely autistic, though undiagnosed. She has a blank face that I can't read. Normally that's a sign for me that people are upset. She admits that she's not a people person. I keep getting upset with her as she stresses me out so much. It saddens me as she's actually very nice. But I know she resents me. When I asked her for help re some minutes I had struggled to take at a meeting, she tossed her notebook hard across the desk at me, saying I should use her notes, leaving me shattered. Today, when I sent her an email full of info, she rushed in and said, 'Thanks for filling up my inbox, Alex!'. I know she's overwhelmed with stress, but I felt the anger and I cried. Again, another setback that makes her more ill-at-ease with me. She's doing all she can to help me with my disability and to understand me, but this is making me ill, as I have inflammatory bowel disease. I don't know how to cope with it.

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  • I feel deeply for people and hate it when I upset them. The guilt is overwhelming and I chew at it over and over. My boss is definitely autistic, though undiagnosed. She has a blank face that I can't read. Normally that's a sign for me that people are upset. She admits that she's not a people person. I keep getting upset with her as she stresses me out so much. It saddens me as she's actually very nice. But I know she resents me. When I asked her for help re some minutes I had struggled to take at a meeting, she tossed her notebook hard across the desk at me, saying I should use her notes, leaving me shattered. Today, when I sent her an email full of info, she rushed in and said, 'Thanks for filling up my inbox, Alex!'. I know she's overwhelmed with stress, but I felt the anger and I cried. Again, another setback that makes her more ill-at-ease with me. She's doing all she can to help me with my disability and to understand me, but this is making me ill, as I have inflammatory bowel disease. I don't know how to cope with it.

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