Hi all, my first post. I'm 55 and was diagnosed with a SpLD (Dyspraxia) in 2003, but it never fit. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspies and me too just recently. It's helped a lot, but doesn't stop the pain. I had a meltdown today. I was trying to get my pigheaded colleague to authorise something but he kept throwing it back at me telling me things I already knew and what I should be doing but he didn't give me what I needed. The crazy thing is, I've been doing the job for about 3 years and him only a few months, so he's treating me like I don't know anything just because he's a senior grade. I couldn't get him to see logic. This isn't the first time and I know he doesn't respect me. I had a meltdown and couldn't stop. It's like acid brain and there's little me inside watching the tears and frustration, sobbing in the ladies' loos, and I have no control. I made my lovely boss cry as I told her to go away when she was just trying to help. I could her an upset wobble in her voice but I couldn't stop. I feel so guilty and devastated. I just want to curl up and sleep afterwards but, even if I could, I feel so ashamed afterwards I can't settle. I feel, even though I was justified in getting deeply frustrated with the lack of logic, it was still my fault I hurt people. Does this happen to you?
I am autistic my self
Thank you all for your amazing replies. I had no idea I'd have such a response. I've clearly come to the right place!
I might have got the wrong end of the stick with the problem that caused my meltdown as I have difficulty seeing the obvious sometimes. Connected things don't connect. I'll make good and be open that it was my fault. it's a lovely team. The best. We were all in a meeting today and the 6 hours flew by because of all the laughs. I felt privileged and will try to control my incorrect thoughts in future.
Thanks again everyone.
It’s still not your ‘fault’ NAS36384. I have the exact same thing, not being able to connect things up. So you can say you’re sorry if your behaviour caused any upset and give a little explanation. Not as a way of trying to make an excuse for it, but so they can possibly spot it in future and support you with it. For example, my support worker has started to spot things with me, when I’m taking things in an extreme way or not connecting things up, and she’ll just say something and I realise what’s happening. If that makes any sense. Lol! Don’t try to control your incorrect thoughts, it’s not possible, but you can start becoming more aware of them and sometimes withholding judgement until you can maybe see things a different way or something or you’ve had more time to process things. If we try and control, we end up with meltdowns or shut downs.
Sounds like you had a great day though. I love a good laugh. And they’re privileged to have you.