So I swear I used to basically be fine although that being said living at home and going to school and having a schedule is a lot less trying than where I am now but also I was largely just depressed I didn't really notice much around me other than I was different.
Anyway I only just started to figure I should go see about getting a proper test because it seems to be affecting my life more and more. I think I quit uni (twice) because of it, I can't hold down a job or a relationship but at least I used to travel around the UK a bit. Now I'm mostly stuck in London as my dad wouldn't let me move back in so it's the only place I know how to live for free since I haven't been able to work and all. I'm very much a countryside person though so I miss it but also London is ridiculously stressful as people stare at me, don't smile and there's a lot of noise and stuff going on. It's gotten to a point where I'm scared of crossing roads because I can't handle all the noise and movement so I just can't process what I need to process aka a car coming at me. I tend to therefore only go out when it's dark to rush to a shop or the library and as someone who kinda needs to be able to wonder about in the forests for a few hours a day that...is not ideal. I also am currently *** on public transport. I've started wearing a hat and headphones to limit what I can see and hear but I still end up stressing, hiding behind my bag, in my hands or nearly crying. Anyway I for sure didn't used to be that bad. I think I used to have some aspie traits but like more manageable, I've never had sensory issues this hard to manage. Am I stressed about being in London or is it like some weird reaction to thinking I might have aspergers? It is making me freak out a lot like when I first realised I'm trans and I sorta knew it was so but also kept questioning it actually happening to me.
So I think I need therapy and help dealing with it plus an actual test so I can stop questioning but also I know getting a diagnosis takes forever and I kinda don't want to be in a waiting period but in the meantime any insights into people's own experiences or advice I'd love.
Also if you read this and you go by Anon in some circles please please contact me on here if you don't mind I'd really like to talk to you but if not I'll likely see you in the last weekend of February so it's not such a long wait...
J-aspie said:it's the only place I know how to live for free
...Greetings. Usually I do not reply first (I have the "First Reply Curse")... and I am Autistic and so I apologise if I may seem "rude"...
...But I just logged on, and I spotted this, and I live in London myself... and thus I would like to know what this is supposed to mean.
If you're asking how I live here for free I squat and eat food from bins. It's really quite hard to do that anywhere else in the UK at least that I know of.
If you're asking something else you'll have to be more specific...
What's the reply first curse?
...Good Fortune to you from myself NAS35206!
I did not expect an answer, and for your, um, honesty, I reply with extended interest, now! Yet, as I say, I AM Autistic, and so may go off into strange conversational topics... and please be aware that I am not very good at "Chat", yet this Internet business throws up a lot of unexpected things for me, some of which I cannot always cope with, and writing this reply would certainly be one of those unexpected things. I apologise in advance...
The "First Reply Curse" is probably a thing which exists to no-one else (here) but myself, and so do not worry about it. If it happens to you, then you shall know. It is also my own Term, and so everyone may disregard it...?
(Please see my own UserName. And what occurs is that I have "upset" the Starter and gain a lot of "Dislikes", and the Thread from then on is only a Short-Lived Thread which quickly (within a Week) disappears into obscurity...)
In closing, I apologise, yet I was greatly curious about the question I asked... thank you for answering honestly, and I hope that others Posting may focus upon other points which you made which you may find helpful. Everyone else here is generally way more "friendly" than I am, and I hope that your life goes very well. Sorry this Post is long, now...
You're welcome...not at all rude and I find you quite friendly so don't worry about it!
J-aspie said: Am I stressed about being in London or is it like some weird reaction to thinking I might have aspergers?
Living here IS very stressful, I would never refute that. But if you do not have a "Formal Diagnosis" then my closing suggestion is that such a thing is always best to obtain with regards to the LAW. Gaining "extra support, services, understanding" and such like. Also, once gained, the diagnosis does not have to be declared unless needs must. People (and Laws) act differently when Autism is stated, and it need not be a limitation. Different people and circumstances remain just that: ..."different". I do not judge, I only try to exist here... most times...
I think you're right to think along the lines of stress making autistic traits more of a problem. Living, as you do, in an environment that you find so overwhelming, and having to scavenge for food, it's not surprising that your stress levels would be very high. Having a high "background level" amount of stress going on always makes my problems with sensory sensitivity and executive function much more severe. This seems to be pretty common from what I've read on autism forums. It can get to be a vicious circle, because the sensory issues are themselves a cause of further stress. It sounds to me like part of the problem might be simply that the stress and sensory problems are something that you're just not getting a break from at all, so that there's never enough time away from it to be able to let any of the stress subside. I can easily understand why you are homesick for the forest - it sounds like you desperately need a sanctuary of some sort so that you can at least get your breath back sometimes.
In the short term, I strongly suggest that you visit a doctor if you can. If this isn't easy because of your situation, then most places will have an emergency mental health team that can be called directly. That may sound a little extreme, but if you are getting so disorientated that you are in danger of having a traffic accident, it is perfectly reasonable.
There's no need to be seeking an autism diagnosis if you're not comfortable with that yet, the immediate problem is to try and get some help with the stress and anxiety. Counselling and anti-anxiety medication aren't a quick fix for all of your problems, of course, but they can help you to lower the immediate anxiety, which in turn, might reduce the severity of your sensory issues. This then puts you in a better position to start looking for longer term solutions. Just a reduction in anxiety enough that you feel able to go out in the daytime occasionally could be a huge benefit - it would open up the option to maybe get a bit of exercise and relaxation in London's parks, or to access a local autism group for a bit of companionship, for example.
Out of Common Courtesy, I return a Thank You. But I am becoming nervous and uncertain... and another person is now upon this Thread which IS a GOOD thing, yet I feel the urge to run away just now... I apologise! Sorry! The more others you speak to is better, and I do not Log On during the day, and I am considering a "Living in London Thread" or a "Why does my Diction become worse during Live Chatting Upon The Internet" Thread...
I might come back, but I have to sign off now, Apologies again... (that is Autism for you, really)... Good Fortune to you Sir/Madame... Um, Thank You again...
Hi. I also don't have a diagnosis and was completely unaware that I am likely on the spectrum until 6 months ago when my girlfriend suggested it. Since then I too have been "getting worse" with aspie type traits and am finding things like public places and sensory issues to be a lot worse.
I have been homeless previously so I know how stressful being in this situation is. I ended up having a breakdown as I couldn't cope with the situation and those who were involved in my life at the time. My advice is to seek safety to begin with. Are you in contact with the local services to see if they can find you temporary accommodation or emergency shelter? If you are struggling to find food, then they might be able to point you in the direction of food banks and other services that can make sure you are fed and nourished sufficiently.
With regards to your traits worsening, it could be that because of your situation, you are reaching crisis point and therefore the traits become more pronounced. It could also be related to the fact that you are perhaps becoming more aware of what is happening to you and how your traits affect you.
I myself am going through a rough phase at the moment in relation to my traits. I pass for a quirky NT the majority of the time, but I am currently experiencing multiple shutdowns and terrible fatigue. I have now linked this (rightly or wrongly) to autism and looking back I have also identified multiple times throughout my life where I have experience meltdowns and shutdowns, I just didn't know what they were at the time!
Now I realise why I struggle in certain situations and environments, but before my diagnosis I would put it down to being crap at socialising and would pressure myself to get better at it. It went two ways, I improved my socialising skills, but at a cost. It would lead to really bad anxiety and depression, but then I would beat myself up that I was weak and couldn't handle life like other people around me. I would also fall out with friends and not know why, so would convince myself I am a terrible person. Looking back it is obvious to see that these are all a result of me not managing my autistic traits well. They have always been there, I just haven't been able to connect the dots correctly and realise what the root cause was. In contrast, I don't see why being autistic should hold me back, I have battled through tough times previously, so I can do it again, but as I get older, I don't bounce back as well as I used to, so I am in the process of understanding my limits, triggers and what is acceptable for me. Once you are in a more stable situation and have been through the diagnosis route, whatever the outcome, you will probably have to do the same to see where your threshold lies and be careful not to become defeatist, but at the same time, not push yourself too far and break.
Yeah I was thinking that a formal diagnosis might enable me to get proper support to then be able to get a job and move away from London to somewhere I can cope better.
Currently I'm trying to write a book instead using my "more charming" aspie trait of a total obsession with snakes but this is likely not the fastest way to get me making enough money to move out of London
It does seem to be a good idea to try get a formal diagnosis anyway I just think as someone else said on another thread I'm afraid of how I'll react to a diagnosis or I might even get told that I'm not autistic...