How do you talk about what you're feeling (emotions)? How do you learn the vocabulary?

• There is a huge difference between people here on the forum posting what they are thinking and feeling in writing and verbally talking out loud. There is another big difference between saying these things to like minded people on here and than face to face with someone who doesn’t understand asd. As for “new language “ .. I think that depends who you are talking to. There are social, generation and culture differences plus the way counsellors and social workers speak. Language evolves and so if we are not used to that environment then we don’t understand it. I’m not understanding what your middle paragraph is asking.. so will move onto the last paragraph. Again the way we grew up to speak in rural country areas is different to how town people speak and of course varies from county to county and Vale and dale so words and phrases  I am familiar with ( like you mentioned) just don’t mean anything to some people. Added into all that mix our problems with communication and interaction and identitying emotions  then yes we are going to find it hard. Even people I’ve known all my life using the same language is hard because I don’t read their non verbal communication and I can’t tell if they are telling the truth or joking or what they might be thinking.. so for me it’s not just the words and phrases but the whole thing. We are very lucky when we find a counsellor who we are in tune with and they instinctively know what we are trying to say. I don’t know how you would go about learning modern jargon other than looking it up or asking. It’s very strange because on the one hand I can talk about emotions but I now realise I usually can’t tell how I am actually feeling. I can talk about situations but I can’t identify the root feelings or underlying emotions. There is often so much else going on and needing attention taking up room in my head so that things just happen and not emotionally dealt with. However not sure if that makes sense or is helpful! 

Hi there, I don't think you can't express how you feel - I'm quite sure I understood what you are saying here, but it might be because I have the same problem... A counsellor kept asking me how all sorts of things made me feel, so I told her, and she corrected me with words that didn't describe at all how I felt. She probably thought I just don't use the "right" words because English isn't my first language, but it's not that, I meant exactly what I said. It's the counsellor (or other people) that have an issue there, unfortunately you suffer the consequences. Counsellors that have no idea about ASD should not be expected to help someone with ASD. They are more likely to cause more damage because without actually wanting to do so they rub it in what your very issue is, so they make you feel even more inadequate.

I've met quite a few British people that are pretty inflexible when it comes to language (in general, not just about emotions). Not sure why this is, but there is more than a grain of truth in the joke that if you aren't a native speaker and don't understand a word they are going to repeat it louder instead of using a different one. That's more common when people have little to do with foreigners, so maybe that's the same when people have little exposure to neurodiverse ways of thinking.  

Sorry, got no advice for you really, except that a counsellor who specialises in ASD (or has it themselves) may work much better for you, at least I found this myself. I'd think you need to tackle the problem you have and the things it is related to or depends on, not some artificial category someone may place it in because they feel a need to fit everything in some box.