I hope those with partners or spouses in this forum can offer some suggestions. I'm the long time NT spouse of an ASD hubby, mother to a teen daughter on the spectrum as well as a teen daughter with profound, complex developmental & medical needs. I was a special needs teacher specializing in dual diagnosis teens & adults for well over 20 years, supporting the family as hubby has always been under-self-employed, until ill health took me out & isolated me at home. Daughter is higher functioning than hubby. On another thread, I posted something like this, below & I wonder if there are those on the spectrum here &/or their NT partners who could offer suggestions?
"I'm an NT spouse & mother - the only NT in the house & this explanation of preferring no behaviour change or to "fit in" is often given to me by my ASD spouse & young adult daughter. It's become a very old & destructive perspective in the household, requiring me to live entirely in an ASD world with zero accommodation or attempts at perspective change to benefit my needs as an NT person. I understand the unique gifts my spouse & daughter have accrued & developed in light of their autism, but not the 100% refusal to adapt anything for another's (& ultimately their own) benefit. I must constantly adapt & change to accommodate their needs & those of others. If you were asked to change & adapt for the benefit of another, would you attempt to do so? What would convince you to attempt such changes; what words from an NT would convince you to change your perspective &/or behaviours in select situations? In our home, the ASD diagnosis is not used by those diagnosed as a tool to help themselves, rather as a weapon & I'd like to find ways to encourage voluntary change. Suggestions?" Any help out there? Thanks.
What happened!? My reply to NAS35934 (Ithink that was the number) just disappeared in mid-writing along with their advice I was responding to! Anyone know how this could happen?
i have had a whirlwind night with my wife tonight her emotions exploded tonight in a big meltdown i have her on the phone with her mum at the moment i am hoping that will help her, i am really trying to support her as i know moving to a new town is very hard for her, i wish we didnt have to move from our home town i really do but we didnt have a choice and i feel terrible that we had to make this move as i feel like i gave her all this stress but i really did not have a choice there was no where else to move too.
Oh my goodness - not to worry at all. I just thought it was a technical glitch. I appreciated your answer & it gave me some insight into things I had not thought of. Thank you. When you have time I'd be really happy to talk further - I'm in the same position having to move my ASD spouse & daughter & complex special needs daughter cross province (Canada) in 4 months after 23 yrs in the same home. No money, no family either. Of course you had no choice, as i have none. Anything i can offer by way of encouragement or steps I'm taking to help my ASD folks, please ask - use my moniker in a post - I'll get the msg & try to help. Hope you & your spouse can find some calm & peace tonight.