This response is from an individual who visits a site that caters for Aspergers people, it is in response to a long list of potential traits of a Male aspie.
I found it very interesting and I have always maintained that if there was an island just for ND people and they were left alone to be who they truly are it would work.
It would take a generation or two of learning and forgetting incorrect learnings of trying to be NT.
They would in a closed protected environment become the new ASD neurotypicals.
• Anonymous said… As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems. Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too. I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them. They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM! I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. Socializing with other Spectrumites is easy. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. We make allowances for each other's sensory difficulties and can tell if the other is uncomfortable, and why
Do you think the NTs would miss us?...would we miss them?
The NT wouldn’t notice in social situations, they would notice suddenly our talents that are mostly unrecognised by them but which they have become reliant on.
We would miss there lack of understanding and the refusal to allow us to coexist without prejudice.
The autopia way of life in theory could work.
What if we all hit meltdown at the same time? What if sometime decided to declare themselves as “leader”....and divide the colony in term of detractors and loyalists? Are nds devoid of ambition ?
Why would anyone have a “meltdown”?
There would be an agreed upon nominated person who has sufficient knowledge and skill to give guidance in whatever needs managing within the social expectations of the majority, but unlike NT ways there would not be greed and manipulation to corrupt the common goals.
I only see acceptance,understanding, tolerance and being able to exhist as the major expectations of such a community,
During the last few years since I identified myself as being Aspergers I have stopped socialising with NT people I have known for years, as I could no longer see a 'connect' between us. My social needs seem to be being met by my partner, who has Aspergers traits herself. A few times a year her son and his girlfriend visit (both diagnosed Aspergers) and I enjoy these visits as we seem to understand each other and the conversation is honest. I also have been attending a weekly autism support group, where I feel comfortable with the other autistic people there (it's an unstructured group meeting in private in a large youth club cafe).
At my place of work I have come to recognise that in particular those NT people in positions of authority are mostly 'dishonest', meaning that for what ever reasons they act and behave with ulterior motives: seemingly it is good management to use manipulation, subtle coercion, untruths, etc., many "qualities" that autistic people seem to lack.
Indeed I find that being around such people fatiguing, as I am trying to process my confusion of how their external behaviour does not match up with their interior behaviour. I probably am therefore avoiding many NT people because their odd way of being is draining.
Perhaps it would be an idea to set up a support group run by autistic people for such NT's, a space where these NT's could feel safe to behave in an honest way.
Hi there “and” I see many similarities with you, I don’t bother visiting relatives on my wife’s side, mine are a lost cause.
I really am struggling at work, I chose a menial low income easy to do manual job, I do enjoy being outside, couldn’t bear being in a room with others as I couldn’t interact at there level.
Where I work I am in charge of at least one labourer sometimes as many as six and a machine operator.
I hate having to be “boss” if someone needs telling or disciplining.
I use sarcasm as my first line, for example “ feel free to join in! this is a joint effort kind of place” .
I try to reason with them,as in above I say,” if we all work together then we all got to share the work load,”. I also lead by example, I would never give a man a job I am not willing to do myself.
I don’t like any boss or manager myself, yes they have to earn money to pay my wages so every penny of profit has to be found,
But they do manipulate and coerce to achieve an agenda.
This is part of the societal rules I have never liked, basically living to work,following the rules to suit work, earning just enough but not enough that it causes complacency. Having to work to live, but everything is rigged for profit to few and unrealistic expectations by the masses, the masses have now been misguided to believe there expectations can be met, a life of debt,and greed, aspirations above the reality.
Hi Lonewarrior, maybe even more similarities: I too have chosen a fairly menial part-time job (a school caretaker), as it gives me sufficient income and a large amount of my time is spent on my own working fairly autonomously. About half of my time is menial tasks, the other half is repairing things, which I enjoy. Interaction with people can be fatiguing, but I can minimise this on day's when I particularly not wanting interaction.
What you wrote seems to express your honesty as a person, indeed I would say being straightforward and honest is a common trait in autistic people. The biggest downside to working with other people (none of whom are autistic) is that a few of them evidently struggle with the concept of being honest despite purporting to be so. I am currently in a dispute with my line manager due to his failure (or so I am claiming) to support me with my autism and to actually be honest about his inexperience in such matters. Instead he has chosen the path of denial and untruths, where I perceive he is digging a bigger and bigger hole for himself ... at some point he will have to be honest with himself and climb out of said hole.
Interesting topic Lonewarrior.
I have had my rants on here about a lack of understanding from individuals, but what I would say is that focus should instead be invested in understanding rather than segregation. I appreciate your topic is purely hypothetical, but neither ND or NT are perfect and so, even if we were to be segregated, the result may not be as perfect as we would like to think.
It would be better to focus on us all being human and go a step further by identifying us all as individuals and not categories. NT or ND, we all have our own needs and aspirations from the trivial to the grand.
I personally think more would be achieved if we all dared to be more honest with each other, hear each others requirements and then meet somewhere in the middle. There will never be a perfect scenario that caters 100% for everyone, but by bridging the gap, we can at least start to develop that understanding to accommodate more people and help everyone succeed in their own way. Sometimes I need NT to challenge me and take me out of my ruts and comfort zones, other times I am better on my own.
One aspect of NT I would like to change is the constant drive to over-complicated and bureaucratic systems that are time wasting and exhausting to work to. The amount of times I have been ripping my hair out over a process that lacks logic or justification and there is a glaringly obvious fix to the whole thing is unreal. I think it would be better everyone learns from each other for everyone's sanity.
I agree...it is this categoration that always mean some has to a an “other” type.....we are all individuals.....some I get on well with...some more tricky to interpret.....some I wouldn’t want to
....it is probably the ones I understand least about I should explore more of to aid understanding......