This response is from an individual who visits a site that caters for Aspergers people, it is in response to a long list of potential traits of a Male aspie.
I found it very interesting and I have always maintained that if there was an island just for ND people and they were left alone to be who they truly are it would work.
It would take a generation or two of learning and forgetting incorrect learnings of trying to be NT.
They would in a closed protected environment become the new ASD neurotypicals.
• Anonymous said… As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems. Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too. I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them. They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM! I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. Socializing with other Spectrumites is easy. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. We make allowances for each other's sensory difficulties and can tell if the other is uncomfortable, and why
During the last few years since I identified myself as being Aspergers I have stopped socialising with NT people I have known for years, as I could no longer see a 'connect' between us. My social needs seem to be being met by my partner, who has Aspergers traits herself. A few times a year her son and his girlfriend visit (both diagnosed Aspergers) and I enjoy these visits as we seem to understand each other and the conversation is honest. I also have been attending a weekly autism support group, where I feel comfortable with the other autistic people there (it's an unstructured group meeting in private in a large youth club cafe).
At my place of work I have come to recognise that in particular those NT people in positions of authority are mostly 'dishonest', meaning that for what ever reasons they act and behave with ulterior motives: seemingly it is good management to use manipulation, subtle coercion, untruths, etc., many "qualities" that autistic people seem to lack.
Indeed I find that being around such people fatiguing, as I am trying to process my confusion of how their external behaviour does not match up with their interior behaviour. I probably am therefore avoiding many NT people because their odd way of being is draining.
Perhaps it would be an idea to set up a support group run by autistic people for such NT's, a space where these NT's could feel safe to behave in an honest way.
Hi there “and” I see many similarities with you, I don’t bother visiting relatives on my wife’s side, mine are a lost cause.
I really am struggling at work, I chose a menial low income easy to do manual job, I do enjoy being outside, couldn’t bear being in a room with others as I couldn’t interact at there level.
Where I work I am in charge of at least one labourer sometimes as many as six and a machine operator.
I hate having to be “boss” if someone needs telling or disciplining.
I use sarcasm as my first line, for example “ feel free to join in! this is a joint effort kind of place” .
I try to reason with them,as in above I say,” if we all work together then we all got to share the work load,”. I also lead by example, I would never give a man a job I am not willing to do myself.
I don’t like any boss or manager myself, yes they have to earn money to pay my wages so every penny of profit has to be found,
But they do manipulate and coerce to achieve an agenda.
This is part of the societal rules I have never liked, basically living to work,following the rules to suit work, earning just enough but not enough that it causes complacency. Having to work to live, but everything is rigged for profit to few and unrealistic expectations by the masses, the masses have now been misguided to believe there expectations can be met, a life of debt,and greed, aspirations above the reality.
Hi Lonewarrior, maybe even more similarities: I too have chosen a fairly menial part-time job (a school caretaker), as it gives me sufficient income and a large amount of my time is spent on my own working fairly autonomously. About half of my time is menial tasks, the other half is repairing things, which I enjoy. Interaction with people can be fatiguing, but I can minimise this on day's when I particularly not wanting interaction.
What you wrote seems to express your honesty as a person, indeed I would say being straightforward and honest is a common trait in autistic people. The biggest downside to working with other people (none of whom are autistic) is that a few of them evidently struggle with the concept of being honest despite purporting to be so. I am currently in a dispute with my line manager due to his failure (or so I am claiming) to support me with my autism and to actually be honest about his inexperience in such matters. Instead he has chosen the path of denial and untruths, where I perceive he is digging a bigger and bigger hole for himself ... at some point he will have to be honest with himself and climb out of said hole.