I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).
I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea.
Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.
Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.
My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.
He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.
Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".
When does loneliness become something else?
@NAS6319, I'm not sure we're qualified to answer that. If you're stuck inside a situation it can sometimes be difficult to remain sufficiently objective.
You should perhaps ask this question of a fully qualified mental health professional.
The Seven Signs Of Suffering From Chronic Loneliness:
1. You've got loads of acquaintances, but not many REAL friends.
2. Feeling isolated and alone is your default setting.
3. It feels like you're always trying to make plans.
4. You feel like there's a barrier between you and the world.
5. You crave real connection, but it takes a LOT of time for you to recharge your social batteries.
6. You feel like no one really SEES you.
7. You can't remember the last time you didn't feel this way.
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Jennifer Garam wrote:
In my experience Katz is right: the times I have pushed through my resistance to broach the subject with a friend and tell them that it hurts my feelings when they're unresponsive to my calls, texts, or attempts to get together, they've almost always apologized and explained what's been going on in their life to cause them to be so out of touch.
"It takes a lot of courage to truly reach out in such a way that you're going to be seen by other people, but it's imperative that we do it," Katz says. For him, one of the highest levels of friendship involves connecting through brokenness. "The people I've shown my brokenness to and seen their brokenness are inevitably the people who are my best friends," he says. "And it's a very hard thing to do, but we can use our loneliness as a way to connect."
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Well DeepThought, that has really cheered me up! ;/
This Elephantintheroom identifies with all of the above - with or without the irony of number 6.
I wrote out our Xmas cards yesterday. It didn't take long!
5 immediate neighbours that we hardly speak to,
3 cards to family, (which is an increase on last year),
1 card to the centenarian that lives next door to my childhood home.
1 card to a friend. We actually meet about once a year, but might exchange messages every few months.
Oh ElephantInTheRoom, was it really such a surprise, given the collective posts on this thread? Or simply a bit of a shock "seeing your suspicions in black and white"? I can totally relate to the latter feeling, hence my "knocked sideways" introductory post.
The comprehensive and black and white-ness-ness is the situation in a nutshell!!!! - the term "suffering from"....didn't help either!
Almost the same as the knocking of my elephant stuffing when reading through Tania Marshalls Aspie Woman's checklist the first 20 times!
DeepThought may possibly attribute this is a fairly common comorbidity with ASD/Aspie people.....as with anxiety, depression, dyslexia, etc etc
Please no one post any other checklists or tests....or I may end up with a long list of attributes/conditions and afflictions! (joke)
Can I suggest that you (and the rest of us, for that matter) stay well away from the medical section of https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0141985542/
(joke, and yes, I know I must be showing my age...)
Sound advice ;)
Me too Ellie. And Deepthought. Sadly I identify all too well with the numbered points
Hi Missy.....how’s your bubble.? X
Hello Ellie X. My bubble is rather overwhelming at the moment. I make a bit of progress but then things get in a jumble or take a few steps back and I can’t keep up! And so it continues. How’s yours? Looking forward to 2 weeks off soon? Or is that more being busy but a different kind?