Published on 12, July, 2020
I am autistic and so is my child. All my family know about my child's diagnosis and some know about mine. Despite this, I feel intense rejection or isolation from some members of my family. As though every time my child gets upset the other children are whisked away and told it's not their fault (not that it is is there fault but it's the whisk them off and turn their back on my child which hurts). If any other child in my family was upset I would try and comfort them and reassure them. This doesn't seem to happen for my child (by some).
I feel such intense loneliness sometimes and that is my worse fear for my child; that they will be lonely. It hurts so incredibly much that some members of my family seem to struggle to accept us. It could be my own misinterpretation but it causes such anxiety and nausea.
Has anyone else felt this kind of rejection and loneliness and it be unfounded? I want it to be unfounded.
Yes to the rejection and loneliness. I'm sorry, but it isn't unfounded, even though you want that to be true, and probably quite badly, because logically all parents want the best for their children, and at a minimum want their children to be happy.
My adult son was apparently diagnosed with Aspergers many years ago (my ex-wife never bothered to tell me). He was socially isolated throughout his school years and was also bullied to some extent for being identifiably different to his peers.
He has ended up with a bunch of mental health challenges and after becoming suicidal because of the expectations and pressure (from the school he was in) has been seeing a psychologist and a therapist for his depression.
Despite suppressing my own feelings as a strategy to get me through life, I have my own "issues".
When does loneliness become something else?
When you get to used to it over a long time that you no longer are self aware that you're lonely.
Then it's chronic.
Another thing I'm finding quite upsetting on here at times is when it makes me realise how much others have suffered because of what I thought was sort of normal (or didn't think about it at all), especially parents. Guess I also thought it is clear that I'm not behaving badly intentionally and certainly not to achieve something - get things my way mainly, but it turns out it really isn't because this is what parents seem to think a lot. I wished they understood this (everybody's parents), it would make things a lot easier for everybody involved. I'm almost glad now I don't have a partner because I would feel incredibly guilty for all sorts of pain I would cause without wanting or even noticing it.
Oktanol, I was just thinking the same ~ I can’t quite decide if it helps to find out others have exactly the same issues although after reading elephantintheroom’s comments, I suddenly feel lighter in my mood. Reading that list shook me up.
Same
I think it’s an odd combination or both those things. I don’t just feel it in the worknplace or school but amongst family and socially. I think it’s one of the reasons I have withdrawn more.
Processing is one thing, articulating and moving forward is challenging, but not impossible
Yes, and processing and realising what would help isn't really all it takes. If that offends or irritates others then it only isolates more. Guess that's also a problem NAS6319 has.
A double edged sword....revealed is what you are dealing with....so greater understanding...but then the need to process and manage it
I think it does help me, it seems a bit more normal if others have similar issues, less of a reason to punish myself for things that other people don't seem to do or have, so that's good. I can see what you mean, don't think I get this so much myself. If it makes me feel worse sometimes then it's more because it's showing me that it's real somehow, not imagined and not some kind of phase that will pass as soon as the reason that caused it passes. Not so easy to admit and accept that this reason is something that will probably not pass.
Do you feel slightly less isolated being here?
I sometimes find that the closeness here just makes the rest of things even more acutely isolationary
Robert124 said:Loneliness is awful when you're surrounded by people, yet totally disconnected and alone. That's what I often experienced at school. Both in the classroom and during break times when it was even worse.
Yep, exactly that. Can't quite decide at the moment if it helps to find out that others have exactly the same issue or if it's rather making it worse, but either way, it's good to see people being honest about it.
Loneliness is awful when you're surrounded by people, yet totally disconnected and alone. That's what I often experienced at school. Both in the classroom and during break times when it was even worse.
At this moment I am alone in my flat watching tv, but only feeling slightly lonely.
I go on long walks through the woods alone. Yet not feel lonely. But seeing people in pairs or groups, while on these walks makes me feel low.
You’re right it does become part of you like any other characteristic and for me like depression and anxiety are too. You learn to tolerate it on a daily basis but occasionally it will swing either way so you are in a situation where you connect with someone or you go through a bad patch and it feels unbearable. But again loneliness is very very different to being alone or seeking solitude which many autistics are content with. And we can experience both.