This week I left what I believe to be a great company as I've worked for them for seventeen years full time and twenty-three years part-time. I left 'mutually' but have left good staff behind with an antagonist working amongst them and other issues which aren't the company but people related.
I'm having an extremely bad day emotionally and haven't left my duvet. Whilst looking at my four walls of my bedroom I'm thinking of those I have left behind but also what I can do to help others. My hands are tied due to me leaving 'mutually' but there must be loopholes so I can help mainly other people. I believe in helping others and have real difficulty in looking after myself and in a way helping others does help me if that makes sense.
40 years in a job and place of work is getting to be very rare.. it will be a huge change for you and we don’t “do” change easily. Give yourself time to adjust and just keep taking one day at a time. There are plenty of opportunities to help others in lots of different ways so be patient with yourself. Sorry you’ve had such a tough day. Sometimes a duvet day or two is very necessary and hope you feel less awful tomorrow.
Thanks, not only change but change that didn't need to happen if people were honest. I believe in honesty and now I am unemployed with no job on the horizon. My hands are tied but I want those that don't know the truth at Director and board level to know so others won't be disadvantaged. I managed to get some help with one colleague I use to work with as they are a vulnerable adult but there are others not so lucky. Also, my manager told me about an antagonist he was aware of but didn't do anything to sort the problem out and instead tried to help but just not going far enough. As a member of the team said my manager could talk the talk but not the walk. The company I worked for has nearly 150 centres and the industry is a close one.
I contemplated suicide last week because of the stress of making the decision and told my Union rep and advocate but what I don't know even though I asked for it to happen was for my HR to be told of my distress.
I have been in a job where I felt unsupported and management not doing things fairly across the board. I ended up being very ill. I should have involved the union but unable to by then . I resigned which made me lose out and it took a long time to get better. At the moment you will most likely be stressed, tired and running on emotions. If you really think you can help others then good luck but otherwise try hard to walk away with dignity give yourself time to get some balance back and then decide what to do.
Hi addlestones, I didn't comment on any of this so far, it was too close to the heart, but I think you did completely the right thing. They had decided to kick you out and they would have done so, no matter what. It would only have become more nasty if you had stayed and if nobody has helped you so far then nobody would be doing it in future either. It may not look like a good thing now, it could potentially cause real financial problems, but god knows where you would end up if you had stayed.
Anyway, my advice regarding helping colleagues is: Don't even try. I know you don't want to hear that, it goes totally against everything you believe in to let them continue the way they have treated you and others, you find fairness incredibly important, and honesty. Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate there, but people don't want to know the truth if it's uncomfortable, they probably want others to be treated fairly but if you are treated badly, well, then there must be a reason for it, so it is fair after all. Your former colleagues are not going to appreciate your help until they are in the same desperate situation, and then it's too late. HR don't want to hear that someone at higher level isn't doing their job properly, because it is a lot easier to get rid of that person's "problems" (that is people like you) instead of even just suggesting to that person that something will have to change. Trying to point out things that aren't working well and making suggestions how to improve them is not what you are supposed to do, it is seen as complaining. You should smile and nod and then gossip and rant a lot to people who can do nothing about it, and watch others fail and tell them how really sorry you are and then forget them the moment they leave...
Sorry, I don't want to hurt you (it's hurting myself just as much) but somehow we have to learn from the things that have happened. We are way too slow learning anyway, others may have tried once to suggest a change, then they figured out it wasn't welcome, so they stopped, while we keep insisting in our (objectively seen good) ideals... If you try to help them all you will achieve is keeping your wound widely open. There will be enough triggers waiting for you that rip it open again and again anyway.
Sending you a big hug, perhaps it makes us both feel a little better.
Hi Misfit, don't think the union would have helped you. I don't know anybody who had these sort of problems where the union would have helped to keep the job. At most they may have some nice words for you, maybe some advice how to leave, that's it. Employers don't care much about what they say when it comes to this. Unions are good for pay negotiations and that sort of thing (ah, and you get discounts on car insurance and Alton Towers tickets, which is particularly useful if you haven't go a car and can't stand leisure parks), but when there are problems with working relationships they are completely useless (despite everything they may say and perhaps genuinely believe).
Thanks Oktanol. I have often wondered and kicked myself but you are right. In addition you have said everything I wanted to say too. Like you said it was too close to my heart and didn’t want to sour addlestones thoughts.
move on, it's not your problem any more.I left my old work place on my own accord and no matter how much the guy who was left working there was bitching about ex-boss, he's still there, because he's got bills to pay.Do stuff for you. thats within your sphere of influence. sometime other people cant be helped.
Guess this is the thing that is not easy or perhaps near impossible for some, to watch things going wrong and see others suffereing and just keeping quiet about it (which is different from genuinely accepting them). I can see myself a lot in addlestones' comments, I did this more while I was working in that place, but it was just as unwelcome. There were things the whole group was complaining about to each other, some of those issues really upset them, so it was clearly not me seeing a problem that doesn't exist. When someone had been treated unfairly I just couldn't do anything else than telling the people who did that about my opinion and how I thought it may be fairer - this reflected what many of my colleagues thought. But when they were asked by HR everything was just perfect, there couldn't be a better boss (the one several had been in tears about a few days earlier, or were signed off sick for). But if the same happened again I would do the same stupid thing again because I'll think again that it's going to be different this time, not because I believe everybody wants to get rid of that person that treats others badly but because I'm convinced that something can be changed and then everybody would be happier (that's another thing others don't seem to understand). To be told that someone being treated badly isn't my problem didn't help at all (I got to hear that from a few people, including the union rep). It's as if someone suggested that watching someone getting lashed isn't my problem.
If you have the choice to stay or leave and can make the decision based on your financial situation etc., that's quite a luxury.
Been a bit stirred up after someone tried convincing me yesterday of what a wonderful thing unions are, mainly for the parties they do... so been thinking about this for most of the day and think I've come to the conclusion that these kind of work relationship problems just aren't something a union is in a position to do anything about. It would require employees to be honest, without this a union is powerless. No idea if this is just typical for UK and perhaps different here, but I doubt it really. Guess we all start with similar ideals - everyone should be treated fairly, nobody should be bullied, people should be honest to each other, when circumstances make someone less productive than required people should get help rather than being punished... Then one or several of those ideals are being violated, as a result most people will feel uncomfortable. What a few idiots (probably many on that forum) do is fighting for those ideals, with bare hands. What many other people do is one of two things: either they convince themselves that there must be a good reason for someone violating their ideals, and therefore it is no violation anymore. That's a very handy reaction because it also implies that the same will not happen to them, because they don't behave in ways that provide this reason. The other option is that they keep being upset about it but convince themselves that there is nothing they can do, that voicing their opinion will not help the victim and will only get themselves into trouble. And they are right - for the one reason that lots of people think that way and therefore all of them do nothing which puts the one of few that react differently in a very vulnerable position. If most would think making their disagreement heard and suggesting solutions can make things better for everybody then this would have a fair chance of happening and in that case some help from the union could also be effective, but it's not going to happen, sad as it is.
been thinking of you quite a few times over the last two weeks. Funny, isn't it, given that we never met. Was just wondering how you are doing? Not expecting that all is great, just hoping not.worse than last week. Hope digging out this thread isn't making you feel worse, it's certainly not my intention, there was just nothing more suitable to reply to.
Hope you manage to look after yourself, difficult as this may be.