Adult Autism and Feeling inadequate

Hi there, 

Good afternoon, 

Hi, how are you?

Hope you are well.

Thanks for your post.

Greatly appreciated.

There has been times, I have felt like this.

Or made to feel 'a type of way'.

Due to the complexity of how my autism affects me.

Every day is a learning progress for me.

There is some parts that are 'hidden'.

Not always clear or visible to display.

For me, I am use to open closed questions.

Yes or no.

So when, I speak to someone further down the line.

It is a different matter altogether.

Because, from others perspective.

The person is able to do' certain' things.

In turn, they do not see the severity of what goes on behind close doors.

Yes, i feel this way too <3

Yes, i do.  I' m always tired and alone. Being an aspie is not easy. But nobody is perfect,

Wow, you are composing music 14 hours a day. Such a rare gift and exceptional skill. This is something to celebrate!
I relate to your feeling. I am my worst critic and often look at things I should have done, but friends remind me of what I have achieved :). Focus on the positives and your strengths. Talking to autistic people helps that. Talk to us :)

I just want to say that I really enjoyed watching the Dr Peter Vermeulen interview about Autism, on your Network Autism page. The happiness and well-being of all of us with ASD/Autism should be promoted more in the health profession and NHS! ^o^ 

So since it's the same for me, I'm not sure how well I can advise you, but personally, I focus on getting over the frustrations so that I can still live my life according to how I want it to be.

I want to work on reducing the frustrations but, as you mentioned, a lot is due to expectations that others have upon me, so there's not much more I can do apart from explaining autism to them and getting them to do research themselves. Either they understand or they don't, whenever there's issues I try to remind them of my difficulties, and I try to compromise as much as I can as well, but if it is beyond my capabilities, then I must be firm with my decision and not break down because I can't do what someone else has requested. 

So being a lot more lenient on myself, educating/reminding others, and trying to compromise when I can. 

Yup, I completely can't function daily, but it's like nobody can believe I actually have autism. I've had to first explain what autism is, and then after feeling like it's finally been accepted, I'm still expected to just get on with everything like everyone else (even though my difficulties start from the moment I wake up.) 

I feel more "lost" because I have go out to my class every day for my studies (not mainstream education, so the classes are very small anyway) which is my only interest, but basically fail to fulfil any of the required commitments outside of the class, so I can't even do what I love peacefully (constant reproach for these problems, even though the teachers are aware that I'm waiting to be diagnosed). 

Home/family life is another struggle altogether, my family is large and outgoing, so it's painfully obvious that I don't "fit" in. The most recent frustration was being invited to a cousin's baby shower, and then an argument over why I didn't want to go (when the whole thing is about playing games I don't like, laughing at jokes I don't understand, and eating sweets until I feel sick, all whilst being socially normal with new people around; I'm not actually able to do any of these).

The only thing keeping me together really is the online community here, and two close friends that genuinely understand me: a childhood friend that has learned to love my differences, and a current classmate whose brother is severely autistic.