Published on 12, July, 2020
I am an adult with Asperger’s and was wondering if anyone else feels as “lost” (I cannot think of a better word as I am very tired) as I do.
I am of the assumption that because I am capable of speech that people think I am able to cope day to day but due to being constantly in the present moment I am unable to organise what others would perceive as simple tasks that fall outside of my “obsessions” and routine eg waking up at the same time every morning and composing music for 14 hours a day. Everything else does not come naturally. I even have to write scripts for any conversation that I do not know.
I do not like leaving my home very often also because outside can be very exhausting for me but other people seem to have a lot of expectations and this makes me feel frustrated as I am unable to communicate my difficulties efficiently.
does anybody else have a similar experience?
Yup, I completely can't function daily, but it's like nobody can believe I actually have autism. I've had to first explain what autism is, and then after feeling like it's finally been accepted, I'm still expected to just get on with everything like everyone else (even though my difficulties start from the moment I wake up.)
I feel more "lost" because I have go out to my class every day for my studies (not mainstream education, so the classes are very small anyway) which is my only interest, but basically fail to fulfil any of the required commitments outside of the class, so I can't even do what I love peacefully (constant reproach for these problems, even though the teachers are aware that I'm waiting to be diagnosed).
Home/family life is another struggle altogether, my family is large and outgoing, so it's painfully obvious that I don't "fit" in. The most recent frustration was being invited to a cousin's baby shower, and then an argument over why I didn't want to go (when the whole thing is about playing games I don't like, laughing at jokes I don't understand, and eating sweets until I feel sick, all whilst being socially normal with new people around; I'm not actually able to do any of these).
The only thing keeping me together really is the online community here, and two close friends that genuinely understand me: a childhood friend that has learned to love my differences, and a current classmate whose brother is severely autistic.