Published on 12, July, 2020
My nearly 6 year old high functioning lovely son suffers with anxiety and lack of confidence. We think a family dog coud really help. We understand that the opportunity to get an assistance dog is extremely slim and we are not even trying to go down that road. We have contacted a dog trainer who will assist when we find the right dog and we are prepared to find and pay for a dog ourselves. The issue is that I like recue dogs as I think that breeding dogs is often irresponsible and no more than an opportunity to make cash. However, we need the right dog. Calm, gentle, willing to play and be trained. Ideally we need a young dog. We have started looking around the rescue centres where we live in Merseyside but we can't go on a waiting list so it's about touching lucky. Any advice or shared experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks, Tracy
I APOLOGISE TO EVERYONE WHO READ MY REPLY......and for my being Autistic and my writing an Autistic - e.g. misunderstood - reply, upon a website where Autistic people are said to be not misunderstood???
Reading the replies, I could remove my post, but I want it read in a factual way; so that it may be seen (now) how the *positive* things I suggested have been ignored and all else largely used to suggest that the whole thing was an insult --- which it completely was not. I DID warn that I might come across as "rude" but nobody cared for that? Being Autistic, I get this A LOT: no matter what I say, people assume the WORST, and I did not expect it in a place like this (see the first paragraph again). I have written letters in the same way and actually had them PUBLISHED in Asperger United, and so did not expect all of this misunderstanding.
There was no "offending" intended or felt... I took the request too LITERALLY: I assumed that THIS forum/thread was the VERY FIRST place of asking about the subject (of buying a dog). Was it "cruel" to suggest reading, asking, researching about the subject elsewhere where they specialise in dog behaviour? There are even other places on NAS where they discuss "dog" +"child" so I misunderstood.
I also could not tell the difference between asking for advice, rescue dog, rescue dog, dog, rescue, or rescue dog from a rescue shelter. I suggested matters and other places to look... but then people assume that I was telling the lady off, and then for thinking about getting a dog/rescue dog in the first place? Dead wrong. The good thing about a PET would certainly be that they would not mix-up words with meaning, as being proved here. 行く.
Disallowed Cynosure - I do not wish to enter into an argument with you but as this is a place for seeking advice I would like to offer you some.
You have demonstrated that you have the ability to identify words / actions that could be construed as being 'rude' . I would suggest that your autism is not giving you as much difficulty in identifying rude behaviour as you believe.
My advice is to stop and delete your comments when you identify that there is the possibility of them being interpreted as rude. This will avoid 'misunderstandings' in the future.
As the father of an autistic child, I am very keen to identify and help my son to identify when he is 'being rude'. It may not be as easy for an autistic child / person to spot this but it is essential that they try . Failure to do so will lead to them alienating themselves and potentially leading a very lonely life.
You appear fortunate enough to be able to spot potential rude behaviour but you then appear content to 'carry on regardless' . That is something you should work on.
You have managed to push Tracy (who started this thread) away from this community and I will also be leaving after this message. It just isn't worth the wasted energy getting involved in 'discussions' such as this when your intention was simply to gain some meaningful feedback from individuals who may have followed the same process that Tracy is currently considering.
I hope you can take the time to digest this feedback and use it in a positive way.
Kind regards
To NAS24896. Thank you so very very much. You are a ray of sunshine attempting to blast through a thunderstorm which I did not mean to create. Most of all, I would never dare to write what you have written, for it did not occur to me that the main Lady (Tracey?) and anyone else were NOT THEMSELVES Autistic... And also I honestly thought that ALL persons would understand the manners of Autistic people (here). If this goes well, there is a main reply underneath all of this... separating Autism from puppy from "Autistic children with a puppy".
I wrote the original thread. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I'm trying to help my 6 year old son. As the forum is parent /Carers I didn't think to proof read the thread to see if an autistic person would take it literally. Maybe I should but I wasn't expecting a response from anyone other than a parent with experience of a dog to help autistic children.
when I read Dc response I cried. Again maybe I should be stronger.maybe she didn't mean it but when you ask for guidance and assistance you don't expect a response which is so critical. I may not have autism but I live with it day in and out and it's hard.
nas24896 thinks I've gone out of my way for Dc to feel bad. I want Dc to be aware of consequences of posting messages such as hers for her own benefit. I've tried to be polite despite how hurt I was. You might say she can't understand as she is autistic but that is like saying people who are autistic have an excuse to behave in any way the way. That is true of some autistic people who society will accept but I'm afraid it's naive to think that there are no consequences for actions even for autistic people. I want my son to learn what will upset people even if he doesn't understand why. This is because I love him and I want him to have the best chance in life.if he grows up with no boundaries as to what he can do and say there will be consequences when he older. I resent any assertion that I want someone with autism to feel bad. I want a person (with or without autism) to appreciate words hurt. The response was rude. Perhaps Dc wasn't aware. My point however unpalatable it might seem is that autism is a lifelong hidden condition as a society we need to help, have patience with and understand an autistic persons actions. It doesn't mean that person can say and do what they like. I work in the criminal justice system and represent a disproportionate number of autistic clients who have ended up acting in a criminal way as they don't understand. How sad is that ? So please before anyone judges me for telling an autistic person that they have upset me consider the consequences if we never do.
Thanks Spotty Tortoise.
NAS24896 - There is a certain irony to your response. You say that continuing to exchange emails will 'take the focus away from the original question'.
That is exactly what the response from DC achieved. Possibly as a result of a 'misunderstanding', although the content of the response suggests that is not entirely the case.
What this experience has served to do is confirm to Tracy that this is not a resource that is worth using, as not a single positive piece of feedback on the subject has been provided.
Maybe DC is right and Tracy should just continue to take expert opinion and undertake online research . But surely that then begs the question of what exactly is the purpose of this 'community' , if not to seek feedback from individuals who may have shared experiences?
They say you learn by your mistakes and inviting feedback on here that may help inform what is a very important decision that is not being taken lightly has certainly proven to be a mistake.
I do not wish to discuss this further and do not think you should either. Tracy would like some advice on dogs and if we continue to exchange emails this will take the focus away from the original question.
I don't think there are any...
Would you care to highlight the 'very valid points' made by DC ?
This is my first time on this forum and I am truly saddened by the way you have replied back to DC. Yourself and Tracey are not Autistic and have gone out of your way to make DC feel terrible for her reply. As a Autistic parent you should know things are taken out of context and DC was replying in her own way and I thought made some very valid points. You have no right to tell DC of on a forum where she was giving her advise even if you agree or disagree. My grandson is autistic and I hope he never gets spoken to like this.