others experiences greatly received

Hello fellow parents/carers,

I have read a few threads here and could really do with some help right now for my wonderful daughter who is on an 16 month waiting list for assessment (date given for the assessment is now August 2018) her father and i separated 10 years ago and last year he made two mistakes that spiralled my daughter into a difficult place. the first mistake was accidentally sharing an inappropriate sexualised image. This combined with school issues led to her locking herself in the toilet and saying things and doing things that scared school. This was June 2016. We received CAMHS support and she stopped seeing dad. we reinstated contact after a few weeks. unfortunately, in October 2016, whilst at his house, she was becoming overwhelmed with maths homework and he says he tried to encourage her to leave the computer and tried to guide her to the bed. her recollection was he pushed her towards the bed where she didn't connect and hit her back. At this point she tried to leave and he says he tried to 'restrain her' she says, he put her in a headlock. Luckily, she skyped her sister a video message and she was in such a state, saying it was all her fault that i went to ring him. he underplayed it but, he brought her home and relayed his side of the story to me outside our house, whilst she was inside with her sister and she was so distressed , she couldn't breath. She told us about what had happened and was inconsolable. so distressing for us all. Next day she was in no state to attend school. I rang social services who were uninterested. she showed the pastoral care manager at school what happened and they relayed this to SS who closed the case and put it down to 'over chastisement'. She said she couldn't see dad and a couple of weeks later, an incident at school meant she again went into the toilets and tried to hurt herself. She didn't want dad to know that he was partly to blame but, explicitly said to school and CAMHS "if you can't trust your dad, who can you trust?" The school excluded her for a week. They then brought her back on a part time time table. School has been a rocky road ever since. Surprisingly though, in the TAF meetings, school has been pushing contact? They brought her back in September on a full time table. We were doing mainly ok, odd upset, ripping up her work, spending time in the 'causeway' and attending most of her lessons. An EHCP meeting is to take place next Friday. however, school, decided last week to decrease down to 2 hours a day. No major incident, just distress and feeling her work wasn't good enough in art and having to be encouraged out of the corridor. BANG !!! this has upped the school anxiety, increased her feelings of worthlessness, she feels selfish etc etc etc. We haven't managed a 2 hour day yet since.

At home -settled, two good friends, hobbies etc. CAMHS and family support (whom I have real difficulty with !) have stated when we get the EHCP result, they are pulling support. I am feeling that right now the odds are stacked against us for her to stay in mainstream school. CAMHS has said CBT doesn't help ASD and are quite aloof, this is our 4th practitioner from there and we had two amazing people previously who did seem really there for us.

I am feeling very alone in it right now. Reading other threads here, I too feel that people aren't really hearing us. People don't understand and so shy away.  School and family support scream mental health, mental health, mental health ! they don't seem to get it. Tests and assessment are trigger words to my daughter now and I am working at home to help her with her levels of distress around this and really trying to help her self sooth but, it is a struggle.

Any advice/support would be great. I am waiting for a reply from SENDIAS

Thank you

Beverley

Parents
  • Hi Beverley,

    I just wanted to wish you all the best.  You are obvioulsy someone who cares very much about your daughter and you are her best advocate.  You are not alone.  When I am down I call the parent chat.  It is so helpful for someone non judgmental to just listen.

    Tracy

Reply
  • Hi Beverley,

    I just wanted to wish you all the best.  You are obvioulsy someone who cares very much about your daughter and you are her best advocate.  You are not alone.  When I am down I call the parent chat.  It is so helpful for someone non judgmental to just listen.

    Tracy

Children