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I can't love my daughter

CantBelieveIAmHere
over 6 years ago

I just can't. I wish she wasn't autistic, she is 9 and was diagnosed a couple of months ago. I read some of the posts on here in tears because all you parents are so wonderful...I must be a terrible mother if I can't love her, but she is no good at being a daughter.

I have 3 other children who are all beautiful and neurotypical and don't cause me any trouble, and I look at them with such pride, yet I can't look at my autistic daughter with pride at all. I try and do my best for her but it wears me down, I spend most of my life in tears over her behaviour and I just don't know what to do. Children are meant to bring you joy and she does not bring me joy.

This is ruining my life, my husband wants me to see a doctor and discuss going onto antidepressants or to seek counselling, but neither of those things can change my daughter.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this feeling.

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    I too think you are brave to post on here. I originally wrote quite a bit then deleted it but still think it's valid so will write it again. I do agree with what the others have written too. And I hope you will try the number I posted to speak to other parents 1-1 . The thing that seems to be shouting from the page is how exhausted you sound.  As well as gaining knowledge about autism it seems to me that you think you have to care for this all by yourselves. If you were able to get help to supplement the care that you give it may be better for all of you. You could look at family therapy (to help look at family dynamics and ways to alleviate your situation)as well as individual therapy, you could look at respite care, you could think about having support to do activities which you find more stressful or have support in your home. You could have a needs assessment done through social services to see how they can help. It's much better to get help than to feel alone trying to stretch yourself. If you incorporated some of these things to give yourself a bit of space you may then find that helped with your feelings towards your daughter. I hope you find a way forward 

Reply
  • over 6 years ago

    I too think you are brave to post on here. I originally wrote quite a bit then deleted it but still think it's valid so will write it again. I do agree with what the others have written too. And I hope you will try the number I posted to speak to other parents 1-1 . The thing that seems to be shouting from the page is how exhausted you sound.  As well as gaining knowledge about autism it seems to me that you think you have to care for this all by yourselves. If you were able to get help to supplement the care that you give it may be better for all of you. You could look at family therapy (to help look at family dynamics and ways to alleviate your situation)as well as individual therapy, you could look at respite care, you could think about having support to do activities which you find more stressful or have support in your home. You could have a needs assessment done through social services to see how they can help. It's much better to get help than to feel alone trying to stretch yourself. If you incorporated some of these things to give yourself a bit of space you may then find that helped with your feelings towards your daughter. I hope you find a way forward 

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