I can't love my daughter

Suzanne Mod

I second this notion. It's not insulting a member, but it is full of very hurtful messages for actually autistic people.  It's not even helping parents, it's just spreading negativity.

Or alternatively, just lock it and then it will naturally fall off the feed.  I don't think anyone is going to be served by further additions.

We can for individual threasds but the button seems misleading as though it turns notifications off for all threads, it doesn't though as I tried it on another post a few days ago, no notifications on that one since.
If you scroll up the thread on a PC it is hidden on the right hand side under post tags/forum labels.

I think just because your Daughter has Autism, it doesn’t mean she should be treated differently to your other children, she should be treated the same regardless of her Autism - my Father and his family haven’t treated me very well and they don’t really understand my Autism and he still sees his children when he wants to so I think you should be careful what you wish for!

I just hope this parent and their daughter have got help and now have a better relationship. Hopefully improving still. 

I wish we could mute certain threads.

Suzanne Mod,

Please can this post be removed?  It's years old and keeps being commented on.  It's upsetting and triggering.  Please can it be removed?

Oh my!  Are you sure you used the right words for this post?  How could anybody admit this is unreal. 

I understand kids are hardwork. But ducking ell!!!!!!! If I was your husband, I would be kicking you out!

No one ever gets beyond the wound of their parents. Sexual, Physical, Psychological - those wounds last forever. It takes years in a therapists office to learn how to navigate it. No one ever 'rises above', they just manage and occasionally slip in to the luxury of forgetting.

A Neurotypical posting this is doing it in the form of a confession. They're looking for excuses and a slap on the wrist. There's a deep cognitive dissonance. 

Thank you all for contributing to this thread, in order to keep the online community a safe and supportive space, please stick to rule 5

"Be nice to one another and enjoy chatting with others. We encourage conversation and respectful debate; please be aware that individuals may give opinions which are not shared by other members. Insulting posts or comments making personal jibes will not be tolerated.  "  A full list of community rules can b e found here https://community.autism.org.uk/p/rules 

I spotted this thread got revived by an unnamed new user who was spouting some very inflammatory sentiment.  I reported it and it got deleted but that's why it came up again.  But yes, stuff like this is hard to read and makes you wonder.  

Yes actually, I hope it got better.

But re:

I Sperg said:

It can indeed be hard to love people like us. The forum is full of such evidence.

speak for yourself!
I joke, but also seriously...
Despite the terrible abuse from one of my parents I was, and still am loved by an increasing number of people. I also believe it or not like everyone I've spoken to here on this forum too despite some fundamental disagreements, there are good people here.

Is anyone else as curious as to how this one resolved, as I am?

My relationship with my Dad, if he had been able to accept me for what I am, and recognise the difference between "bad character" and "can't do" could have been a LOT more enjoyable & satisfying for HIM...

Sadly, this post is from 5 years ago... x

Exactly

hope you're ok . you need to be proud of your daughter . autistic people or kids are no different than real children normal children . i don't think antidepressant works for anyone . 

I think this is appalling to hear, maybe if you chose to love your daughter she would not cause you so many problems. It is completely wrong to love the other children and not your autistic daughter, did you ever think that this could be what is causing her bad behaviour. I am autistic and if you were my mum and loved my other siblings and not me I would absolutely resent you and behave badly out of spite of you. Part of being a parent is taking responsibility and showing love to your children equally.

I know people who can’t become parents and long to. I know they would love guide and nuture any child neurodiverse or neurotypical just for who they are. 

Maybe as was suggested a while back just having at least one Neurodiverse adult in their life may help. Or just trying to enter their world, copying their quirks or joining in with their interests. Who knows

All humans are controlled by the Amygdala, before the Cortex, 

The Amygdala controls fear, if you're scared you can't attach, you're running away

Now this works Exponentially, 

at first, it's almost horizontal as the Amygdala gets bigger then it suddenly bends and goes vertical 

So as you get more scared you are "Driven around the Bend" just like all mums have said forever 

You are on the horizontal part your child is on or around the bend, stuck at a high state of fear

Which then affects the rest of their biology, 

How this fear state affects the cortex is crazy, like overclocking a computer massively 

So if you can reduce the size of their Amygdala you can come out of the FEAR state and attach and love

You are picturing my frustration with "intervention", I rarely find neurotypical therapists help me "understand" my autistic son better. I get advices on how to "normalize" him which quite often is surrealistic like replace motor stereotypies by pretending to dance flamenco (I swear I heard that). The "Neurotypical" way of looking at behaviours (autistic or not) can be puzzling, it lacks explanation..  Now when I try to ask deeper things like "could it be he is perceiving time differently than what most of us were trained to perceive? I generally get a "what on earth are you thinking look" with the answer that I should make a more detailed visual agenda to help him cope with changes... Never underestimate the biais from neurotipics who feel huge pressure to fit in and have the natural ability to completely suppress their own way to achieve that.