Professionals blaming parents for childrens' difficulties

Hello everyone. I just thought i would enquire here about something I have seen discussed a few times. It seems to be quite common for parents of children with asd / adhd to be blamed for their childrens' behaviour. I find this quite worrying and troubling. Does anyone here have experience of this? It seems not uncommon judging by how many times its mentioned on groups that I have joined. It just seems quite sad that some professionals do this. Surely its not right or ethical? How can this be changed? 

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  • Added: the family court in my experience are the WORST for blame shifting. The girls' mother "doesn't believe in labels" and SD20 was allowed to decide at 14 to live 100% with her mother after a meltdown when she assaulted her Dad, rather than seeking out why a 14 y/o would lose control like that. She was alienated from him for 5 years because of that decision because everyone blame shifted to his parenting style.

    It took two court appearances to get an order for SD16 to be assessed even though she wanted it. First reaction was we must have been influencing her because her mother denied any observable problem under her care. Fortunately I did a double take when the mother in her rambling complaint said "and she is clever and would lie to get her diagnosis. The clerk saw my reaction and we believe highlighted it to the judge who must have listened to the recording. He included in his judgement that he doubted a child of 16 could effectively lie for an extended interview and so if the mother thought there was no problems then there was no risk of a false diagnosis.

    SO cried at both diagnosis appointments when the results were confirmed. He's fought so hard for his girls to get help and feels his male gender and ADHD was used as excuses for not knowing his girls well enough to be a good parent.

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