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Ayshe Mod

Parents
  • http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf 
    This is the one my parents and I read when I was first diagnosed, but I was a fair bit older than your son and it may be a little dry for him. That said he could still enjoy it if it resonates with him as much as it did with me and it is definitely a useful one for you as a parent. 

    You say you don't want to go into the reason you didn't tell him then, but could you share the reason you DO want to tell him now? What's changed in your situation? Maybe you could start with that in your conversation with him.


    When did he do his diagnostic assessment? Will he still remember it? Could you start with "remember when we went to see Dr. X and we did Y". Ask him what he thinks about the idea that he might be different- I strongly suspect your son has already realised that he is unusual compared to other children at nine. Most of us do at a lot younger than you would perhaps expect. 

    I would also say that it is important for his self-acceptance to frame it in a positive way. Autism spectrum conditions are just a difference in the way the brain works, it's not that he's defective or wrong (although the world/society around us is certainly not built with us in mind, and we can struggle for it). Children can automatically assume that autism is a bad thing and outright reject a diagnosis that could bring them substantial support on that basis. Also emphasise that it's something he's always had and always will- nothing about who he is has changed as a result of diagnosis, nobody's going to try and change him in a way he might not want, you just understand more now. 

    Perhaps mention one of the many gifts that people with Asperger's may have; increased attention to detail, true honesty and loyalty in friendships, great problem-solving ability or extensive knowledge in a chosen subject. (Not all of us have all of these, and there are more associated with the condition- a quick google will find you a few lists of "positive traits associated with AS"! Pick what fits your son.)

    Hope things go well! 

Reply
  • http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf 
    This is the one my parents and I read when I was first diagnosed, but I was a fair bit older than your son and it may be a little dry for him. That said he could still enjoy it if it resonates with him as much as it did with me and it is definitely a useful one for you as a parent. 

    You say you don't want to go into the reason you didn't tell him then, but could you share the reason you DO want to tell him now? What's changed in your situation? Maybe you could start with that in your conversation with him.


    When did he do his diagnostic assessment? Will he still remember it? Could you start with "remember when we went to see Dr. X and we did Y". Ask him what he thinks about the idea that he might be different- I strongly suspect your son has already realised that he is unusual compared to other children at nine. Most of us do at a lot younger than you would perhaps expect. 

    I would also say that it is important for his self-acceptance to frame it in a positive way. Autism spectrum conditions are just a difference in the way the brain works, it's not that he's defective or wrong (although the world/society around us is certainly not built with us in mind, and we can struggle for it). Children can automatically assume that autism is a bad thing and outright reject a diagnosis that could bring them substantial support on that basis. Also emphasise that it's something he's always had and always will- nothing about who he is has changed as a result of diagnosis, nobody's going to try and change him in a way he might not want, you just understand more now. 

    Perhaps mention one of the many gifts that people with Asperger's may have; increased attention to detail, true honesty and loyalty in friendships, great problem-solving ability or extensive knowledge in a chosen subject. (Not all of us have all of these, and there are more associated with the condition- a quick google will find you a few lists of "positive traits associated with AS"! Pick what fits your son.)

    Hope things go well! 

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