Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello there, I desperately would like your opinion on wether we should keep my daughter in a mainstream school or move to a specialist school [Edited by moderator]. Any advice and opinions will be greatly appreciated. There are 3 options to consider. 1) Continue on in to the feeder mainstream with her friends, 2 of which she’s very close to. They’d be a good handover/transition programme. It’s local and we have a group of mums that meet regularly (good for play dates for her etc) 2) An independent specialist speech and language school (an hours commute in rush hour) but excellent provision. Very small class sizes and continues till age 16. Although there would be only one girl in her class and few in the whole school. 3) A private school who accept and have some experience of ASD (LEA have alluded that they’d fund as cheaper than specialist). Which will be smaller class sizes and still amongst typically developing peers. My issue is that I feel the specialist school [Edited by moderator] will effect her social development negatively, as there will be no typically developing peers and she learns so much from them. The friends she chooses are always the most outgoing/ intelligent ones and she’s only interested in girls! The specialist school has a few girls, but is vastly populated by boys. I’m also not sure she’ll fit in there, but I think I may in denial about how much her ASD effects her (she’s amazing at masking and is very socially appropriate). She’s a very vibrant girl who her school as described as very socially motivated. She’s clever (scored high on non-verbal reasoning assessment, but very behind academically which is effecting her confidence. (She received an EHCP and 1:1 support about 9 months ago). She presents with poor attention/focus, a significant language disorder (although only specialists would/have picked it up, as she compensates using context and clues). She has some sensory needs, but they’re not very significant. She completed a trial at Blossom House and enjoyed it, although she said that some of the children worried her as she thought they "had something wrong with their brain". She also said, some of them made loud noises all of a sudden and she "wanted to try and stay away from them" I explained to her that there wasn't something "wrong" with them, but she said they still worried her. I never hear any success stories about ASD girls in mainstream, they’re all sad stories about mental health issues brought on by stress etc. She’s coping in mainstream now, but it’s a very small, nurturing infant school, I don’t know how well she’ll cope as she moves up in to keystage 3. I really don’t know what to do, but I so want to do right by her. Any help would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks in advance.
[Edited by Ayshe mod]
Hi
I have an 11 year-old with Asperger's who; as with your daughter and many other girls with ASD; is an excellent masker and also mimicker, which can be interesting! I was concerned about her going to a mainstream secondary school in September, so applied for her to go to the only school in our area with a separate specialist provision that she could access if/ when needed. She was refused access as demand is high; but when I spoke to her she told me that she wanted to go to the same school as her "friends" anyway. She doesn't really have friends, but sees her peers as such. Despite meaning that I will (there are significant issues around safety/ sensory issues) be walking her to and from school, I am happy for her to go there and see what happens. There is support available from local groups if I need it; and excellent classes on parenting for children with ASD - it is these things that seem to make more of a difference to us.
I have found that, on the whole, mainstream school has been very successful for my daughter (her intelligence is regarded as exceptional) and that is as a result of good communications between myself, my daughter and the school. The issues that she has tend to be mainly around how to interact with peers/ unstructured time.
As a former Inclusion Manager, I have worked in a small support room with three children with ASD which, whilst it sounds marvellous, could be highly chaotic, due to to the very different needs of each child. My point here is that it isn't always "best" to go with the label, but to ensure that children are matched up with peers that can work alongside them/ enjoy their input - so if your little one wants to stay with her friends, I would absolutely recommend that you try that first :)
I hope that this helps
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I share the same views as you - unfortunately we've been told that if she wants specialist provision, it's either now (as she goes from infants to juniors) or we wait till secondary. The woman at the specialist speech and language school, has said that the girls who come to her in secondary are "broken" - that's made me panic immensely! I'm not sure it's worth the risk - although if it works, it would be ideal. Just so hard to gamble on her future.
So first, obvious logical point to put your mind at ease: the ones who don't have trouble wouldn't be coming back to the secondary specialist school- they would have happily integrated into the mainstream one, so it's logical that she only sees the ones who don't cope.I admit I'm a bit angered (even a bit offended- I don't believe it to be a universally true statement and I certainly would not have described myself as "broken" by the end of primary school) by that turn of phrase the specialist used.
I don't think it was right of her to scare you like that, even if it was her genuine opinion (call me a massive cynic, I probably am, but it might be that the school wants as many as possible to apply because the higher the intake, the better the funding, which is true of all schools)- she must have known that the response to that would be one of fear for your child. Not an appropriate emotion to evoke when discussing something like school places. That has put me on edge about the person, though that said I don't feel it would be fair to write the place off over that one remark.
Now, I work at a mainstream secondary, we have our share of autistic kids. I usually know who they are and keep an eye out for how they seem to be doing when I happen to cross ways with them- they're my people after all. Most of them are really nice kids, and very well-adjusted. One of the lads in particular is THE most socially adept and at-ease aspie I have ever met, and I know a lot of autistic people!
We also have an autism specialist who comes to give talks in the summer and he is good at his job, and very insightful. He didn't say one thing about people on the spectrum that I felt was inaccurate or unhelpful, unlike some of the attitudes I encountered in education growing up. I actually went up to him (despite being super nervous about "outing myself" out of the blue to a stranger) and told him what an excellent presentation it was IMO as someone on the spectrum.
I do not get the impression that what we do in having these talks is too out of the common way for schools these days- autism awareness is high and the support is out there in mainstream. I would in no way agree that mainstream schooling 'breaks' autistic children. (So... that obviously really got to me, didn't it...)
Anyway, I would agree with NAS38043 that having her friends around to support her in social interaction with a varied cohort is absolutely an option worth trying if that's what she wants.
That's amazing news! Good for you!
It worked!! I used your quote from the disability act and I received an apologetic email, saying they have moved her to be with her peers! Thank you!
I do hate using the term disability with regard to AS, but when people are being pigheaded about procedures and ignoring common sense solutions to problems it does tend to get results. ;)