Complex autistic son, unlikely to go to secondary school, looks like I will lose my job.

Hi, I'm new to here and thought it would be a good place to ask for ideas and opinions.

My son is about to finish year 6 and has Aspergers, OCD and mild dyslexia. He is at least 2 years behind in his learning as he has been so anxious about everything. He doesn't go any further than our local park, won't travel in any form of transport that pollutes and refuses medication as he thinks it will 'hypnotise' him. Life is very limited for him at the moment. 

It's looking unlikely that he will be able to attend a secondary school setting at the moment so the Local Authority have been good in being proactive and are trying to get him into another less mainstream provision which will use an alternative timetable. How we are going to get him to it is going to be a big hurdle, he's refusing to think of any changes at the moment. 

The amount of stress on our family has been huge and has impacted every one of us. I work and love my job - it is the time when I'm able to 'be me' and can think of something else rather than family issues. I have worked my way up to where I am, studied hard and have been lucky to get my role. Problem is, it looks like I'm going to have to give it all up because of my son's needs and I'm really upset. I work in a pastoral role in a school and these are hard jobs to come by.

We have all the services that should be involved but things just haven't improved and he is now even more anxious about the changes ahead. 

Anyone else been in a similar situation please? Anyone had to give up a job they loved and are now a stay at home mum?

Thanks for reading. 

Parents
  • Hi there, I am sorry to hear about the predicament you are in. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and reaching out to us. It is never easy and it takes a lot of courage. I was going to mention perhaps the school setting but you have already covered that topic. Transition or changes are going to be challenging but with the right amount of care, help, patience, support amongst other components you and your son and family will hopefully have a better quality of life. 

    Have the school perhaps mentioned SEN or EHCP to you or what else they can offer? For e.g. type in Local Offer on Google followed by the borough and county they have a range of services depending on the area. As for your work situation, surely they can liaise with you taking into consideration your situation. Isn't there a law or legislation regarding those with Autism and Asperger Syndrome. Making reasonable adjustments?

    Could you see a work advisor or work employment officer? Or speak to someone of higher authority within the job to see what can be done. I have not experienced the exact predicament you are in. I am sorry I couldn't provide much more help. Hope things are more easier.

  • Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes my son has an EHCP, he's band 5B so just below the top band of not being able to be in mainstream. School have been great but have struggled with his needs. CAMHS have tried to be supportive but haven't really known what to do as he doesn't engage with them well. Re work, I have been talking to my manager about things and have been open about it, but there will come to a point when I won't physically be able to put in the hours needed. I guess I'm also emotionally invested in this job as I work with vulnerable children. Just don't want to let either my son or them down. I know I shouldn't do, but I do compare my life to those of friend's around me and see that they are gaining more freedom with having children go to secondary school and becoming more independent. Our life is just 'on hold' as we can't go on holiday, go on days out together, eat out or go any further than the local park with him. I fear my son won't want to go to any other provision or secondary and ends up at home. The education system just doesn't cater well for complex SEN children in my area. 

    We'll get through it because we have to, got to try and stay positive!

Reply
  • Hi, thanks for your reply. Yes my son has an EHCP, he's band 5B so just below the top band of not being able to be in mainstream. School have been great but have struggled with his needs. CAMHS have tried to be supportive but haven't really known what to do as he doesn't engage with them well. Re work, I have been talking to my manager about things and have been open about it, but there will come to a point when I won't physically be able to put in the hours needed. I guess I'm also emotionally invested in this job as I work with vulnerable children. Just don't want to let either my son or them down. I know I shouldn't do, but I do compare my life to those of friend's around me and see that they are gaining more freedom with having children go to secondary school and becoming more independent. Our life is just 'on hold' as we can't go on holiday, go on days out together, eat out or go any further than the local park with him. I fear my son won't want to go to any other provision or secondary and ends up at home. The education system just doesn't cater well for complex SEN children in my area. 

    We'll get through it because we have to, got to try and stay positive!

Children
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