Published on 12, July, 2020
OK, so after last weeks violent incident thought we'd try something else.Son was banned from his PC and mobile but it didn't seem to do any good - he was even sneaking back on.
Apart from that hes been pretty good the last week, and is finally making an effort with some of the charts the counsellor has asked him to fill out. Not brilliant but its a start. So we decided to try a difference approach.
We sat him down and made sure he understood. We praised him that things had improved and he was trying and also for his behaviour. We said there are stil things to improve on but we were willing to give him a chance.
We said, he can have his phone back, and have 3 hours a day on his PC.
BUT, and we wrote this down there were some basic rules which he agreed were fair. We said if rules were broken then PC/mobile would be removed for at time again. He moaned a bit about the 3 hour limit but agreed he understood and it was fair.
These included:-
- Mobile stays downstairs at night to resist the temptation of playing games after hes supposed to be in bed.
- He continues with the forms and also reads the books we've bought him.
- No attempting to "forget" how long hes been on PC and exceeding the time
- No sneakily attempting to use mobile/PC after hes gone to bed in the middle of night.
Guess what - less than 24 hours later wife goes upstaris at midnight. Hes in bed playing games on his phone. I just don;t understand how he thinks hes going to get away with it.
Please someone tell me if the approach is right or wrong?
Sounds like progress but self-discipline can be hard. It could even be genuine forgetting (some friends of mine used a timer with their [probably NT] boy). Can you keep hold of the mobile at night?
Yes the idea was that he leaves mobile downstairs. But its difficult to keep on top of everything - he forgets his tablets all the time.
How can you forget that you're not supposed to use your mobile after bed though? I can understand forgetting to drop it back downstairs but to lie in bed when you know you're supposed to be sleeping and you know its against the rules seems a bit strange.
I can't get my head around that he risks it when there are consequences. e.g. 30 mins on phone and risk losing for a week maybe?
Maybe it's a bit like a mental addiction. I'm like that with the internet, and used to be with games on occasion.
Like alcohol - you know there are consequences and it's doing you damage, but when you get tired or lonely or bored, you reach for the bottle. Or it's a fixation. I'm not sure how well behavioural interventions work for alcoholism; what it usually takes is determination and help to kick the habit. Other 'crutch' behaviours may come in (like people becoming addicted to Alcoholics Anonymous), unless you find something healthy to fill the hole... maybe to vary it, something that fulfils same needs for imagination or mental stimulation, but more limited, like a puzzle book. I've been on the wagon, and not touched Twitter for a week.
The situation is probably harder than I realise. If the agreement isn't working, review it, and see what it needs to make it work.