Urgent - getting more violent now - 14 year old son

3rd time in about 6 months now. This time he really went for it.

First two times hes thrown things at me - albeit 2nd time a large battery.

This time he decided to dig me in the stomach because he didnt agree with me telling him off for something. We went outside and I did grab him and tell him to cut it out (probably not best idea thinking about). But then he started swinging, hit me a few times cut my lip etc.

One thing I didnt hit him back although I felt like it.

Really don't know what to do. I could have phoned the police I guess and got him taken to the cells (this is what CAMHS are telling us to do).

Dont know what to do. For now, we;ve removed his PC, his mobile, his bedroom door.

Hes all sorry but this is not the first time. With a wife whos smaller than him and a 4 year old sister (hes lost his temper with her in the past) I just dont know what to do.

Parents

  • Perhaps consider the following approach to dealing with aggression.

    ABSTRACT
    Some individuals with autism engage in physical aggression to an extent that interferes with not only their quality of life, but also that of their parents and siblings. Behavioural and psychopharmacological treatments have been the mainstay of treatments for aggression in children and adolescents with autism. We evaluated the effectiveness of a mindfulness-based procedure, Meditation on the Soles of the Feet, in helping three adolescents to manage their physical aggression. This procedure required the adolescents to rapidly shift the focus of their attention from the aggression-triggering event to a neutral place on their body, the soles of their feet. Incidents of aggression across the three adolescents ranged from a mean of 14–20 per week during baseline, 4–6 per week during mindfulness training, including zero rates during the last 4 weeks of intervention. Aggression occurred a rate of about 1 per year during a 3-year follow-up. Our results suggest adolescents with autism can learn, and effectively use, a mindfulness-based procedure to self-manage their physical aggression over several years.
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    © 2011 Elsevier Ltd. All rights reserved.
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    Prior to the intervention, the mother of each adolescent met with the senior author for a day during which they were taught the procedural steps of Meditation on the Soles of the Feet (Singh et al., 2003), and the steps for training their child with autism. The mothers were also instructed to practice the procedure themselves for a month prior to teaching it to their child.
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    Table 1
    Training steps for Meditation on the Soles of the Feet procedure.
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    1.) If you are standing, stand in a natural rather than an aggressive posture, with the soles of your feet flat on the floor.
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    2.) If you are sitting, sit comfortably with the soles of your feet on the floor.
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    3.) Breath naturally, and do nothing.
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    4.) Cast your mind back to an incident that made you very angry. Stay with the anger.
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    5.) You are feeling angry, and angry thoughts are flowing through your mind. Let them flow naturally, without restriction. Stay with the anger. Your body may show signs of anger (e.g., rapid breathing).
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    6.) Now, shift all your attention fully to the soles of your feet.
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    7.) Slowly, move your toes, feel your shoes covering your feet, feel the texture of your socks, the curve of your arch, and the heels of your feet against the back of your shoes. If you do not have shoes on, feel the floor or carpet with the soles of your feet.
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    8.) keep breathing naturally and focus on the soles of your feet until you feel calm.
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    9.) Practice this mindfulness exercise until you can use it wherever your are and whenever an incident occurs that might otherwise lead to you being verbally or physically aggressive.
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    10.) Remember that once you are calm, you can walk away from the incident or situation with a smile on your face because you controlled your anger. Alternatively, if you need to, you can respond to the incident or situation with a calm and clear mind without verbal threats or physical aggression.
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    Intervention
    Following baseline, the adolescents were individually taught the mindfulness procedure by their mothers. Initial training was conducted during a daily 30-min training session for 5 consecutive days. During these sessions, the adolescents were seated comfortably in a soft chair, with their feet flat on the floor, and hands resting gently on their thighs. They were instructed to close their eyes to increase concentration and narrow their focus to the present moment. Then their mother provided the instructions in a calm and soft voice, taking them through the steps outlined in Table 1. This involved teaching the adolescents to shift their attention from the emotion (e.g., anger, fear, frustration) or other triggers that normally preceded the aggressive behaviour to a neutral object—the soles of their feet. They were encouraged to practice the procedure at other times, at least twice a day, with the help of their mothers, as necessary. This practice did not require the presence of any trigger for their aggressive behaviour, but they were encouraged to use the procedure especially when such a trigger to their aggressive behaviour was present. Once the adolescents had learned the basics of the Meditation on the Soles of the Feet procedure, they were given an audiotape of the instructions (recorded on their iPods) to use for self-practice. During the mindfulness training phase that followed the week of intensive training by their mothers, each adolescent was required to practice the technique at least twice a day with their mother and to use it whenever an incident occurred that could elicit aggressive behaviour. Formal training was terminated when each adolescent did not engage in aggressive behavior for four consecutive weeks
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    Follow-up
    Following termination of formal training, each adolescent was periodically reminded by his parents and siblings to continue practising Meditation on the Soles of the Feet in an effort to maintain meditation stabilization, which is a state where the ‘‘mind engages the object of observation of its own accord’’ (Gyatso, 1999, p. 59). They were given no further instruction. Given our extensive experience teaching and using this procedure, we anticipated the participants would become so attuned to their environment and their interactions that the mere occurrence of an unpleasant situation with their parents or siblings would automatically evoke mindfulness, rather than aggression or some other maladaptive behaviour. Follow-up data were collected for 3 years following termination of the intervention to assess maintenance of treatment gains.
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  • One thing I just don't understand is his total lack of seeing consequences. In all honesty, all he sees is his PC - nothing else matters. Even his OCD doesnt stress him - he treats it as more of an inconveniece that takes him away from his PC. Which I guess is why hes not interested in taking time to do things the counsellor asks - its more time away from PC, easier to just continue as is? Dunno.

    One thing I don't understand. Last week we almost called the police. He knows this and he knows how serious it was. He was VERY upset afterwards.

    Thing is this week hes forgotten about it. Hes back to his old ways. No effort to do anything at all and still playing up. Its almost as if the potential risk of having the police called, maybe being arrested is not even entering into his thoughts at all? Surely most people would be mortified that they might be arrested, it would worry them and they'd make sure it didn't happen? Is the Aspergers makign him like this?

    We did take his PC/phone away. It was more of a way to try and focus him a little to spend time thinking about things and realise how things needed to change. If he had his PC we know there is no chance of anything else.

    So this week hes found his mobile phone and sneeked it out and got caught. I did tell him his behaviour was unacceptable and it almost kicked off again - I had no choice but to let it go. Last night then we caught him on his PC at 1am when he knows hes not supposed to be!

    Yet hes constantly asking to have his PC back. I just don;t get how he seems to not even appreciate when things are not right. Does he really think that going behind our back is going to go unnoticed?

    Not so much punishment as realising that things need to change.

    IS this Aspergers behaviour?

  • One more little thought. All this about testing boundaries in adolescence sounds right.

    I'm just thinking that while routine and good habits are common to autistic and non-autistic wellbeing, and even a neurotypical boy might have problems seeing things from your point of view, one of the smaller differences could be significant.

    Three hours on the PC a day might sound sensible, but with hyperfocus and different attention-switching, that really may not be very long. Maybe, just maybe, things would work better with 8-10 hours non-stop on the PC on a Saturday, gradually winding down towards the end (so a game can be left between levels or in a boring bit), and then none at all on a Wednesday or Thursday to allow other interests to develop.

  • Yes hes been good last week so we've been more flexible on the weekend. We're sticking to the 3 hours on weeknights because otherwise with having tea, having a shower, homework it means he'd do nothing else.

    One of his big OCD things was time in the toilet/shower. Sometimes it was over 90 mins. Which is why the counsellor sugested charts/timer etc. Now we tell him PC after shower and it seems to focus him.

    Down to 20 mins now which we were REALLY surprised at.... Good on him hes trying to make an effort. Fair play.

Reply
  • Yes hes been good last week so we've been more flexible on the weekend. We're sticking to the 3 hours on weeknights because otherwise with having tea, having a shower, homework it means he'd do nothing else.

    One of his big OCD things was time in the toilet/shower. Sometimes it was over 90 mins. Which is why the counsellor sugested charts/timer etc. Now we tell him PC after shower and it seems to focus him.

    Down to 20 mins now which we were REALLY surprised at.... Good on him hes trying to make an effort. Fair play.

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