3rd time in about 6 months now. This time he really went for it.
First two times hes thrown things at me - albeit 2nd time a large battery.
This time he decided to dig me in the stomach because he didnt agree with me telling him off for something. We went outside and I did grab him and tell him to cut it out (probably not best idea thinking about). But then he started swinging, hit me a few times cut my lip etc.
One thing I didnt hit him back although I felt like it.
Really don't know what to do. I could have phoned the police I guess and got him taken to the cells (this is what CAMHS are telling us to do).
Dont know what to do. For now, we;ve removed his PC, his mobile, his bedroom door.
Hes all sorry but this is not the first time. With a wife whos smaller than him and a 4 year old sister (hes lost his temper with her in the past) I just dont know what to do.
With the safety of the rest of the family at stake it would seem that taking CAMHS advice would be the best option.
Copied from NAS behaviour pages - Meet up with other carers, or get support from, a local National Autistic Society branch or group, community service or family support service in your area. Other local support groups and services are listed in our Autism Services Directory.
Know what you mean and I thought about it yesterday. BUT, several reasons:-
1) I don't really trust CAMHS. They're only saying "call the police" because they dont want to deal with it.
2) I'm pretty sure, even if I could get the police to take action, they are going to have no idea at all how to proceed.
3) Would it help or make things worse? A night in the cells for a young boy with "issues". It might give him the needed short sharp shock or it might make it worse.
I'm just so upset today that hes done it. My own child assaulting me. Looking in the mirror this morning and there are marks on my face where hes punched me and hit me with a water bottle.
Thing is I try to tell myself its his illness but its hard when hes made ZERO effort to listen to anyone, help himsellf etc. In a years hes changed not a jot. He forgets to take his meds, he doesnt try what the counsellor says. All because he just can not be bothered and would ratehr just play computer games all day long.
Thanks - worth a try
Sorry, my short post above isn't because I think that's an easy answer, or that there is an easy answer to this at all, but because I really can't see another option at this stage.
I know that no parent wants to take the step of involving the police to deal with their own child. On the other hand, no parent wants to be rushing to A+E or calling 999 for their 4-yr old daughter (or for their wife) because their son has finally stepped WAY over 'that' line.
Would it make things better? Well it would show him that you mean what you say, that there really IS a line somewhere. It would signal to him that when you say you've tried everything you can think of, you really have been forced to take the last resort. It would tell him that there are other people out there (the police and courts) who can and will force much tougher sanctions upon him if he is unwilling to work with and respect his own family's rules and boundaries.
Would it make things worse? The only way (that I can see) that things could get worse at this point would be if those marks and cuts and bruises on your face were on your wife or daughter's face instead ... and that might happen if you don't call the police too.
This sounds like a difficult and distressing situation for your family.
You may like to contact our Parent to Parent service who offer support to parents and carers of children or adults with autism. This service is confidential and run by trained parent volunteers who are all parents themselves of a child or adult with autism. They might have some strategies or ideas you could try?
You contact the team on 0808 800 4106. Please leave a message and the team will call you back as soon as possible at a time that suits you, including evenings and weekends. Alternatively you can use contact the team via web form: http://www.autism.org.uk/services/community/family-support/parent-to-parent/enquiry.aspx
You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline does experience a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you can get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx
Hope this helps,
I know what you're saying.
It might be necessary but past experience has shown that NOTHING sinks in when it comes to meaning business. It all goes in one year and out the other.
Can almost guarantee that having a night in the cells would make not a jot of difference to him. His attitude would be "its so unfair/woe is me" etc.
Since it happened last week, we've removed his privileges and calmly sat him down, explained that things have to change, we'd like him to listen to his counsellor, try and do what shes suggesting, come and speak to us, I've even bought him a book for teens on aspergers.
Guess what - he has done NOTHING! Despite a few gentle hints. Hes been well behaved but now hes asking for his PC. Hes got more chance of flying to the moon!
Not because I want to punish him further but when hes not got his PC to distract he STILL does not make any effort. EVERYTHING else goes out the window when hes got his PC.
Well I can't think of any other strategies either I'm afraid. Time? Just ride it out and hope for the best? I don't think I could do it but maybe you're a more patient person than I am. I guess everyone grows up eventually though so maybe he'll outgrow this too. Prayer etc? I can't see how these help but they seem to work for some people. All I can say is that I hope things, somehow, do work out.
Thanks for the kinds words Endy - I just don't know what to do. Riding it out is unlikely to work I'm afraid due to the escalating situation.
Im hoping to speak to CAMHS on tuesday urgently to see if something can be done but past experience has shown they'll do nothing.
CAMHS do seem to get 'mixed' reviews on this forum but I have no personal experience of dealing with them. It sounds as if you're banging your head against a brick wall with the whole situation and instead of getting the answers and support you need, just getting more and more frustrated and (understandably) angry.
I've been in situations where I've been the one expected to carry everything, co-ordinate everyone, and make things happen somehow. It sounds as if you're used to being that person and I know what it felt like for me when it just wasn't WORKING!!
Don't forget that you need to take care of yourself too. To be able to keep doing what you're doing, you really do need to give yourself a bit of an MOT now and again, TLC, whatever you want to call it. Whatever it is that you do, go fishing alone or take your son or daughter camping, take your wife out dancing or finish knitting that scarf (joking!), give yourself a break. It'll all still be there when you get back but at least you'll feel a little lighter, fresher, calmer to start all over again. It's worth a thought. You're worth a thought!