School - is this enough from school?

HI

My daughter is a 14 year old newly-diagnosed with Aspergers.  She is at an academically-selective school.  She has a long history there of scraping by, not doing her homework, losing focus etc.  Now that we have diagnosis we are trying to get school on side.  Daughter has regular meetings with head of year (a jolly hockey sticks PE teacher who tries hard, but does not "get it" - asks daughter to "meet her halfway"!) and SENCO is involved.  So far not really helping - in fact had to take diagnosing therapist in to meeting with school pastoral head and SENCO to explain how to make appropriate adjustments.  Pastoral head became excited remembering how she had delivered differentiated teaching years earlier in her career at a deprived school.  She commented that at this school its not so necessary.

First day back today.  Daughter very spiky at home - feared that first day back would go badly (no contact with school "friends" in hols etc could all lead to anxiety on return).  Emailed SENCO asking him to informally bump into daughter and check on her.  Also understand that seating plans change today so asked him to confirm that all teachers had been reminded to have daughter in position where teacher can check focus/ comprehension / note-taking unobtrusively.  The response was that:

1. teachers can forget these things and/ or may need to give the (apparently only) appropriate position to someone else.  He said daughter should raise it with him if finds seated in a bad position.  My position is that the whole point is that she won't!!!  And I will have to have conversations that may end up difficult with her if I have to interrogate where she is sat in every lesson when she comes home exhausted.

2. he bumped into her in the corridor and she didn't seem unhappy.  I know that behaviour is v diff in school and at home so not completely surprised by that. 

I just felt a real lack of engagement for a SENCO.  Am I being unreasonable for first day back?  I just wanted this term to be a positive experience for her.  The report she got a the end of last term was so dismal I could not even show it to daughter.

Would welcome all input/ advice.  Feel; so frustrated that daughter is not able to achieve her potential and that school and we are failing her so badly.

Thank you 

  • From your comments it does appear to me that the school just isn’t getting it. You say your daughter is newly diagnosed, but I don’t know when this diagnosis was made and therefore how long the school have known about it in order to judge if they are being unreasonable in their attitudes after just the first day back.

    I would say that it’s important for the school to really understand what Asperger’s is, and how it affects your daughter personally. I would suggest a meeting with them to discuss this, though if your daughter is not comfortable communicating her needs in this manner then perhaps she could put them in writing, or you could speak to her and then express them on her behalf in a meeting instead. It is important that she communicates her own difficulties and needs as each person with Asperger’s have their own requirements.

    After having made your daughter’s needs and disability quite clear to the school, if they continue to be unhelpful then you may have to become more forceful i.e. make requests for reasonable adjustments in writing, make it clear that legally reasonable adjustments must be made, if they reject any adjustments then ask for an explanation as to why in writing etc. If nothing works then unfortunately it may be that the situation will not improve and then I would ask your daughter what you can do to help her with school/schoolwork.

    For me personally, school was a living nightmare and I missed lots of it as a result. Thankfully I still did well in my exams as I studied hard at home, but it wasn’t through the help of my teachers. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 16, so that didn’t help, but the school knew about my suspected Asperger’s from 13 and they did nothing to help me with it. It’s a hard situation. Just try your best to keep open communication with your daughter over the situation and to support her however you can whilst pressuring the school to meet her needs.