Thoughts on this? Asd & ADHD son

Thoughts on this please. So my 8 year old son has autism & ADHD. While on holiday with his cousins he has been very challenging. He's cousins are aged 3yr twins, 13,12 & 15. My son has bumped heads with one of the 3 year old quiet a bit who has not been diagnosed with anything other then sensory difficulties although his mum thinks he may have autism or ADHD but no professional agrees so far. During some on the confrontation his mum says oh he's feeling sensory today for his bad behaviour etc... during a lot of the fighting/arguing the 13yr old threatens to punch & beat up my son for the fighting/teasing with the 3 year old & during one of the fights my son hit the 3 year old (not hard enough to make him cry) & the 13yr old held my son down buy his arms & legs & made the 3 year old punch my son in the face. Now they have taught there 3 year old to punch kick & fight I try & teach my sons not to (my 3 year old son as also took fair few punches from the 3 year old twin cousin, I think I caught the twins being aloud to both beat up my 3 year old but I'm not sure) only if my son sticks up for his little brother the 13yr old gets involved to beat up my son so he's always in a loose loose situation but still can't control himself from getting into it. I'm feeling upset at how my sons being treated although he does tease & cause a lot of the trouble only I feel excuses are made for the 3 year old who has no diagnosis even yet my son who does is taking the down fall of it I'm telling him off & nobody else is getting told off & if I do the same & not tell him off my son will get hurt by the bigger cousin.
How would you feel? Thoughts on this? Am I being soft? Thanks

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