For years my daughter has been a nightmare, from waking up to going to bed it' a constant battle. We thought she'd 'grow out if it ' but having been reading up on her behaviours it's pointing to PDA. She screams/shouts/negotiates/manipulates whenever she's asked to do the simplest thing. Brush teeth, brush hair, tidy to room, come down for dinner, you name it she'll have a full on blowout. Its' like she doesnt understand that we're the grown ups and she's the child. I asked her to tidy her room yesterday, she full on glared at me and shouted no. So I asked her again, and explained if she wanted friends to stay she has to tidy her room. She replied 'why do I have to' then shouted NO! About an hour ago she had her phone taken off her (she was being rude) and she was sent to her room. She came down demanding her phone back, we told her why we'd taken it off her and to go back to her room to which she replied (rather angrily) no, give me my phone. When told no again, she went upstairs and totally trashed her room!(not the first time) That's just a few examples. Most nights I'm in tears. But when she's in school, she's fine. We've had no calls regarding her behaviour and she's excelling in the creative studies. Would a specialist see her behaviour is fine in school and just blame our parenting skills? Or would they give a diagnosis? We also have a 2yo and im concerned that my eldest might just lash out at her (she has lashed out on little ones toys when youngest was there) and she's starting to copy some of her sisters behaviours. Sorry for going on, I just don' know what to do or where to go.
You don't say what age your daughter is?
I have only been reading up on PDA recently (so I probably only know as much as you do about it) because I have similar concerns about my daughter who is 18 years old now. My daughter had no behavioural problems throughout her time at school either and passed all of her exams. Her behaviour only became a concern gradually from about the age of 14 and only out-of-school.
Apparently, with PDA this is fairly common!
My problem is working out whether my daughter's behaviour is actually related to PDA or if it's 'normal' extreme teenage behaviour. Difficult to distinguish between the two from what I've been able to read so far. If your daughter is under 18, perhaps seeking an assessment will be easier. After 18 there's nothing at all to be done if they don't agree or want to pursue such a thing.
Ah I knew I forgot something! My daughter is 11! I think this behaviour started about 6 years old. I remember trying to get her to leave the house so we could walk to school, but she had a meltdown because she didn't want to wear her coat. I literally had to push/pull her to school, once i got to school i just broke down in front of her teacher
Looking back, I can remember incidents like that when my daughter was about 4 - trying to get her to nursery. Often I had to give up because it just became so traumatic for both of us some mornings, but at the time I put it down to difficulties with her coming to terms with the new baby. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, indeed!
You might want to have a look at the information page on PDA here on the NAS site. You can find out what PDA is, the characteristics, and the process for getting an assessment of PDA in your child - http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx
The PDA society also has information that walks through the process of getting a diagnosis step by step and is very detailed, so though this might be helpful as well - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/families/diagnosing-pda
Hope this is of some help,
Ross - mod