Third person

Hi Kazzie07,

I think that the ‘third person’ situation you described can be very common in young ND kids, especially when they are just beginning to become self-aware, i.e. becoming aware of their own thoughts and feelings from a ‘third perspective‘ (self-reflecting on their own feelings and experiences) as opposed to babies and toddlers who are not able to do this. It doesn’t mean she is a split personality or schizophrenic or anything. Big hug x.  

I can personally think of two or three possible reasons why this may be happening. My first is the easiest and most obvious possibility: It may be worth having a think about the language you use around Poppy, and whether you may be doing this exact same thing in some form, such as by saying ‘mummy will do this, mummy is going to…,’ rather than I AM going to…  in your everyday conversations with Poppy? I have noticed there is something in the way our ND children communicate with us that makes us begin to communicate and refer to them and ourselves in this way. I am very interested in this phenomenon as it seems to me that NT parents 'take on' the part of their ND child that would usually be communicating with others and the outside world (itself, so to speak) and NT parents language often reflects this. 

For example; do you ever say ‘wow, Poppy has done this!! Rather than ‘you have done this?’ If this is the case, it’s just possible she is outright simply copying you. And I think parents doing this very thing can actually be extremely common for ND families, because mums (or dads) often have to interpret, provide a running commentary, and point out what our ND children are doing or needing from others all the time, as our ND children may not offer this information directly to others themselves?  So if, for example, when dad or siblings get home you are saying to them, ‘look what Poppy did today... or Poppy needs…or Poppy likes...’ this could simply lead to Poppy doing the exact same? 

My second thought is that Poppy may be simply consciously self-reflecting on her anger (like when we realise we have become angry or emotional instead of just feeling angry or emotional) but she may be using third party language to describe this. So, this may be a 'straight forward' communication difficulty- poppy may be struggling to effectively communicate her feelings using language which is ‘typical’ (i.e. usual and makes sense to NTs.)

If this is the case, it could be helpful to take Poppy’s hand when she does this and gently pat it on her chest and say, for example, a part of you is feeling angry at the rest of you right now because you are finding this task hard… A part of you is feeling angry right now…, to give Poppy the actual vocabulary, the actual language she needs to describe her feelings/experiences accurately as a part of her 'self.'

My last (3rd) thought is that it is also possible that poppy may be finding it hard to navigate her way around recognising, understanding and communicating different emotions in herself (and likely others too.)  In this respect, a sudden fit of anger can be very frightening for a young child if they are having difficulty in understanding, recognising and naming their feelings and it can therefore feel ‘alien’ to them, which can give rise to them disassociating from the feeling and placing it (if you will) in a projected 'third' space, such as using third party conceptualisations. In this respect, our ND kids usually need active teaching to understand, recognise and 'own' their feelings and emotions in this way as they arise, whereas NT kids usually achieve this ‘naturally.’

I would suggest you get really creative, for example, it may be helpful to provide Poppy with a picture of herself (or a basic person outline) and include in the picture basic emotions (emoji’s) such as happy, sad, angry, etc. and regularly teach her about each of these emotions in turn, giving her lots of examples to demonstrate when the individual feelings often arise in all of us, normalise it by showing her pictures, facial expressions, situations, and explaining to her that we all have these different feelings inside us. Make up lovely games of it all, make it as much fun (and as daft as possible), and work on it regularly and often, until naming ‘I am feeling, I am doing, I am thinking...’ becomes part of her everyday vocabulary until recognising different feelings in herself and naming them as they arise becomes second nature to her.

I hope some of this may prove helpful?

Best of luck.

It’s helpful to me. Thank you. 

Sorry could you tell me what NT and ND refers to please

Thank you

Thank you