Setting rules for aspergers/ocd 14 year old

Still never really solved this problem. How much do we let go and how much do we put our foot down with?

Sometimes we find it difficult to work out what behaviour is him being awkward and him having issues. We KNOW that not all his behaviour is OCD/aspergerts at the moment.

If you remember he has these bathroom rituals to dow ith his OCD. Involved completely spraying the bathroom with spray disinfectant and using lots of hand gel. Trouble is its not just before use.

After use, he likes to spray disinfectant onto the toliet, floor etc and leave it wet. For some reason thats his thing. Also, in the past he smears hand gel on the surfaces of things too. Public toilets hes worse - and in the past had literally plastered every inch of the floor with toilet paper.

We've tried to explain to him that OK we understand but he does need to leave the toilet in a decent state for others to use. At home you literally have to spend 10 minutes cleaning before you can use the toilet.

Should we let this go because its his thing or telling him no way?

Parents
  • Are they your only options? There are generally more than two options to solving a situation. You say you don’t know if it’s him being awkward and him having issues ~ can these be separated? I’m not sure he can switch his autism off and on no matter how he’s behaving, even if he’s masking, the autism is still there, it’s a part of who he is. And if he is being awkward, what then? Do you have rules about being awkward? And if he is being awkward and he therefore breaks the not being awkward rule, can he put forward mitigating circumstances to say that yes he was being awkward but it was the underlying autism that contributed to him feeling overwhelmed or whatever it was that lead him to be awkward. 

    What is his need to clean places? You never mentioned what it was. You said that it is a habit which has been categorised as OCD but what is his actual need to do it? Maybe you could have some discussions around it that involves his need, that way he will be able to understand and relate to what you’re saying. If I was told, even now, and even as a kid, that I had to leave the bathroom in a decent state for other to use, I would simply flood it and use as much bleach etc as I could so I could leave it in a decent state for others to use. Have you discussed with him and got his views on what a decent state is? If his understanding of what a decent state is, is different to yours, then you’re in trouble, because he will continue to literally follow your rule and leave it in what he believes is a decent state. 

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