Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm new to the group and I'm sure this question has been asked many times. My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD and shows signs of ASD and awaiting assessment (which i have been told has a current waiting list of a year and half). I am already convinced he will be diagnosed with ASD already and have been managing it from a young age. My main issue now that he is 11 is that I'm struggling with his behaviour, he is constantly on meltdown and I find myself constantly having to shout and ask him to do things, I do try to avoid the shouting match by sending him to his room but he refuses to go and just continues for hours at a time. I removed his Xbox as felt that he was becoming addicted and feel that his friends are all online (although none of this friends he plays with in school) I did tell him that when he learns how to talk and be respectful etc he can have it back. In school he is the class joker and hates to do any school work although seems to be managing alright, it really concerns him what people think and does not have these verbal meltdowns at school and will just cry if there is a situation at school. The same at his football lessons if a kid says something bad to him, rather than respond he will get upset and cry and embarrass himself. He constantly tells us and his grandparents to shut up and than denies it even though we all witness it, the same if he does something that he shouldn't and we witness it, he will deny it. It sounds petty I know but it's every day and don't know what else to try. Any suggestions?
Taking away the Xbox is not the solution. You have taken away something that helps regulate his brain hormones and from experience of the person with ADHD and Autism you're making his behaviour worse by not helping him using the xbox in a positive way.
The xbox is a high dopamine activity you need to encourage a routine or structure that encourages a high dopamine activity followed by one or two low dopamine activities multiples times throughout the day. The high dopamine will help him work through low dopamine activities that disinterest him but need to be done
Their is a few good resources on youtube that explain this better such as "HowToADHD" & "ADHD Management".
Emotional Dysregulation is something to do with ADHD and can be made worse by having Autism as it make recognising certain emotions difficult. There are many ways to manage this diet is one way another way is to fo and see the doctor about ADHD medication or trying a different one. I am waiting a ADHD assessment so i can't prescribed the medication without the formal diagnosis but a friend of my is using ADHD medication and she is an adult and she explains that the medication allows her smallest amount more time to process her emotions to stop her from become super emotional and explosive that she soon later regrets.
Your son could be typical 11 year old telling you to shut up and being rude or he just doesn't understand where you're coming from and the reason he shouldn't and doesn't understand what he did was wrong. You might be miss interpreting his behaviour as defiant. If his brain isn't get the dopamine he might become impulsive and not think of his action through properly and you should consider this to be more instinctive than a choice. The only way to improve this behaviour is by redirecting his attention to something that is a high dopamine activity. It hard to explain but when my dopamine levels drop it hard to concentrate, It make me anxious and the impulsivity to find and do something than i can concentrate to give me the dopamine my brain need to function it difficult and for me this can turn into chronic migraine.
No suggestions as I’m struggling with pretty much the same issues apart from the crying as my son doesn’t show any emotion apart from anger and frustration but I feel your pain and it’s so bloody hard to feel the need to want to fix this but how ?