Son (20) still at home.

Hello

Just wondering if there is anyone out here with an adult son living at home. Really just needing a bit of blether about the highs and lows of it all,

My son has finished doing a course at the local college, andhas been on a 'ready for work' course, but he is extremely reticent to move forward despite support being out thre, maybe not to ghet work but at least to involve him in vounteering etc. He has a skill with cooking and a City and Guilds 1 in cookery. That said he has classic social difficulties for Aspies, mis understandig things and currently anxiety. His reading / writing is v basic although he can get by so long as he is not rushed...He has a great sense of humour, loves politics and movies...I think he's great!! 

Anyway,  if you are in a similar situation and could offer some chat support, or indeed know of any group specifically for this, then please let me know.

Thanks very much M

Parents
  • I'm not trying to be patronising.  But 20 year old still living at home.  What's the problem?  He may just need a few more years to get himself more life skills and confidence.  He may in fact be better of living at home for a few more years.

    My (insane) family experiences are very different.

    My older sister left home when she was 20.  And the fallout was/is indescribable in words.

    She was in full time work and fully independent and as NT as you can get.

    She found rented accommodation in a shared house and invited the three of us to show us where she was going to live. Me and my mother went with her, my father ignored her request.  She showed us the direct bus route, the house, her bedroom, shared bathroom and kitchen.  

    Back home she left written down, the full address, phone numbers, bus numbers.

    And moved out.

    My father went BERSERK.

    When she didn't come home from work he had a meltdown, spent hours walking round the house shouting, looking into her bedroom, other rooms, round the garden, from gate to gate, from one door to the other.  Trying to find her.

    I and my mother tried to reason with him explaining that she had moved out.  He ignored us and just carried on shouting and searching for her around the house and garden.

    I showed him the full contact information that she'd left and explained that we knew where she was living.  And asked what the problem was?

    He started shouting at me.

    YOU STUPID BLOODY IDIOT.

    PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT.

    PEOPLE WILL BE POINTING ME OUT IN CHURCH.

    PEOPLE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK.

    WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK OF ME. WHEN THEY FIND SHE'S LEFT HOME?

    My mother was depressed and sad for a long time, blaming my father for driving her out of the house.

    And my sister?  She came round twice a week to make sure we were alright.

    I'm writing this to show how different families are with their attitudes to independence of their adult children.

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