Is is aspergers?

Hi, sorry, it's a long one. I don’t know if I’m in the right place, but I’ve been wondering for a while if my daughter has aspergers or high functioning autism. I really just need some direction because I’m at a complete loss what to do with her.

Since the age of 3 my daughter has had problems in social situations, becoming very clingy and refusing to eat with anyone other than us, and becoming very upset at events or big  gatherings.  She also had trouble playing by herself and would melt down if something didn’t go her way or wasn’t what she expected, then take hours to calm down and get over it, often resulting in me holding her for ages while she caught her breath.  She also has awful table manners and still uses her hands to eat rather than cutlery.  The Thrive assessment showed a gap in emotional development which was expected.  However, she is incredibly intelligent, reading at 4,  very switched on, top of the class in most subjects and can recite things she read weeks ago and has a sense of humour beyond me. School think she is an angel and have no idea what she can be like.  They think I’m nuts for suggesting there is any behaviour issue.

She is now almost 8 and still has the emotional issues and behaviour of a 2 year old. She is very loving and incredibly caring, seems to have plenty of friends but lives in her own little fairy world collecting fairies and making things for her fairy house.  Loves sharpening pencils and putting things in order. She becomes very hyperactive when she feels happy and comfortable or will disappear to her room if she feels overwhelmed. My husband just says she is naughty and we both end up shouting her, she is exhausting.  It is also so embarrassing when she has friends over or goes to see a friend. One time my eldest had a friend over and she came down wearing 3 pyjama tops and knickers then proceeded to play the fool for the rest of tea, dancing and singing, flashing her bottom etc. I cannot explain why, only that she wanted the attention.  She will tantrum over the smallest thing, throw herself on the floor and scream or make weird noises and it can take ages for her to calm down, and even then only by my intervention. It seems to be all or nothing with her.

The biggest issue for me at the moment is her wetting herself.  I have finally pushed for a referral to bladder & bowl but for many years she wets herself every day, worse at school.  We have managed to sort with school that she just walks out of the class if she needs to go, but I.m pretty sure it’s an anxiety thing, and I do get that.  She does show genuine surprise sometimes when she thinks she is dry and I tell her that she is actually wet.

Sorry, I’m kind of glad to get that out. I don’t know if this makes sense and I feel silly because I work with pre-schoolers and should know what I’m doing.  I think I know there is something not right with my daughter but not sure what.  Any thoughts or advice would be gratefully received, even to tell me it’s all perfectly normal!  Thank you.

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