hi there my wife is suffering with bad depression after we had to move to another town as our old flat was going on the market. she has Asperger syndrome and ocd ,ever since then her mood has been so low that she is always saying she wishes she was dead. i love her so much but i dont know what to do or say anymore nothing i say to her helps shes trying to self harm again and its not that i havent tried the doctors but they haven't really done a thing to help her not really. i wish i could afford some private counselling for her but as we are on UC and her PIP we cant really afford it. i really dont know where else to turn to its so distressing watching the women i love like this. any help will be gratefully received
I don't know what to say.
I have ASD, specifically Asperger's, and like you I had to move house a couple of years ago because my landlords wanted to sell the house. I was very depressed at the time both before I moved and for several months after I moved. If it wasn't for my sister I don't know what would have happened because I couldn't face looking for a new place to live and I only moved because my sister took two days off work and took me round all the places to rent where she lived which I could afford and basically forced me to move. Once I moved though I was still very depressed and used to often think about killing myself.
My new doctor put me on anti-depressants but these didn't really help at first (although they may have helped once my depression became less severe.)
What helped more was referring myself to my local IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) service who provided me with some cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy) which had the added bonus of getting me out of my new flat. The therapist also put me in touch with a local autism service. (In some areas you can self-refer, in other areas you may have to be referred by your doctor.)(Where I used to live there was also a group for people who self-harmed.)
A new chess season started 6 months later - I play chess for a club in the local league - and I went back to doing tai chi which I had done before but stopped doing because I moved somewhere where my society did not run classes. The new class was on the bus route to the place where I had the cbt.
I was also lucky that I was able to stay in touch with a friend from where I used to live.
That was almost two years ago and things have improved to the extent that I am now coming off the anti-depressants and I can honestly say I even felt cheerful for a couple of hours the other day.
It's difficult to say what helped most - possibly the tai chi - but I hope it gives you some ideas. Time is also a great healer.
I hope your wife gets better soon.
Would she possibly agree to talk to others here? I do not have ASD but have struggled w/post trauma depression & my young adult daughter on the spectrum struggled for a long time w/both depression & self-harm. She also has severe anxiety & OCD. Perhaps sharing with others here may help her feel more stable. I've found great generosity & good advice from the members & have no doubt your wife could too. Tell her she's welcome & not alone - & neither are you alone.
thanks for your support
thanks i will try and convince her to reach out on here for support i love her to bits i just want her to be happy
You're a good guy @NAS35934. You're lucky to have each other.
well i just love her so much and i want her to except herself for who she is and that i love her for who she is and i want her to be proud to be who she is. i will always support her and be here for her. i just dont want her to feel alone she is such a lovely person as with all autistic people she has a hard time making friends. i try to show her that she really does have alot of friends i think its just hard for her to realize people like her.
Anxiety & over thinking are things both my hubby & daughter experience too. My DD (Dear daughter) is actually really beautiful (a surprise as hubby & I are plain people) & well liked. But she's convinced she's ugly & unlikable. Sometimes I can get thru to her pointing out that it's an insult to me & others she knows love her, to believe we'd love someone "unworthy". I'm often too able to describe the things DH (Dear husband) & DD contribute to my life that I'd be the less for not having. For example, DH shares my love of history & it's a deep pleasure for me to have that kind of intellectual companionship. My DD has an awesomely quirky mind - explores thoughts & has interests I'd never think of or explore on my own. She's exposed me to gothic art & now I appreciate that too. Maybe you can tonight, not tell, but engage your wife in one of the things she's good at that she helps you with? What does she give that nobody else can? Ask for it & mean it.. She may find comfort & confidence doing for somebody else - you.
Mind's 'Information and Support' web page is a good place to start looking for help:https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/
NAS35934 How are you & your wife just now? Hope you both found some relief during a difficult night.
hi there sorry i havent been on recently but my wife is starting some sessions with a local theripist next week so im hopefuly that this can help her manage her emotions better.