Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all, I am new here and looking for some suggestions as to how we support our recently diagnosed (Aspergers)8 year old son with a difficult situation at school. He has always struggled to maintain friendships and has been bullied by older children at his school for having a facial tic. In September he made a good friend with another boy in his class who was willing to be his buddy in the playground and at lunchtimes. Last week our son was taken to one side by his class teacher and told that he was no longer allowed to play with this boy or have him as a buddy/sit with him in class. No explanation was given and since then he has refused to go into his classroom and is experiencing bad meltdowns at home and is unable to sleep. When I asked the class teacher why the school had taken this decision he explained that the boy's parents had requested that their son be kept away and was to have no contact. The school will not tell me the reasons why (apparently they are confidential) and the whole school staff have been informed. Even the class teacher says that he has no justifiable concerns about the two boys being friends. Our son is distraught at the decision and feels he is being treated "worse than bullies" He is feeling anxious and embarrassed and is isolating himself away from his peers by working in the SENCo s office for most of the school day. The school will not back down on their decision and seem oblivious to the distress this is causing our son. Any advice on how we should handle the situation or help him move forwards would be gratefully received! He refused to go to school at the beginning of this year when he was being bullied and my biggest worry is that this will trigger another episode of school refusal. Many thanks Sarah
... Hang on, I'm being really dumb.
The first thing to do is go and see the parents of your son's buddy. Failing that, phone them, but a face to face chat is preferable.
Ask them why they have done this. Tell them about the impact it has had on your son. Ask the parents if there might be another way, where everyone wins. Sometimes we all do or say things with an incorrect or incomplete picture of what is really going on.
The school could be in a bind on this one. It just might not be up to them at all.
Many thanks for your reply and thoughtful advice DongFeng5. I had thought about suggesting a meeting with the school and the other parents to try to understand the reasons behind their decision. Then Senco and class teacher seem unwilling to discuss the matter with me to I will be meeting with the Head next week. I can accept that the other boy needs to complete his work before he is allowed to play with William but the truth is that both boys are academically doing well and are were previously often put by the teacher to work together. I will definitely keep fighting this as there is no transparency in the management at the school and the decision is surely not in line with the Christian ethos of a school whose values are meant to be "friendship" and "respect"! Thanks again. Sarah