i really need some advice on High functioning aspergers please

That's great news! The private assessment was a good investment in her (and your) future. Remember to come back if you need any more support, someone will be able to help.

Far better to find this out now, before university. 

Many of us didn't get a diagnosis before reaching our mid-forties, and at least one failed marriage, complete with kids(!)

Hopefully your daughter will now get the support she needs, and has a better chance at a happy adult life. 

Re my post asking for help! Just completed a private assessment and now my daughter has her diagnosis. Hopefully this will enable the correct support for uni, and she and us have answers. I couldn't wait for the NHS assessment, no sign of anything happening , very slow process. So glad I found this website, been a great support. 

It sounds like your daughter would benefit from explanation of how she experiences life. I am educated to a high standard and have worked for many years in a fast paced retail environment but I put myself through ADI training and started having panic attacks. Then I read a book on how the condition makes you different. That means now I know why bad stuff happens to me and why I say the wrong things to people and why I react differently in social situations. Now I do more planning and structure my day to reduce the stress as much as I can. That has helped me become much more mentally and emotionally stable without medications. These extreme reactions happen because the person is not prepared enough for what is about to happen. Good luck with it all and keep posting progress please.

Thanks NAS35578 for that insight. Another jigsaw piece dropping into place... no wonder university was less successful than the much more structured secondary school...

(there were other reasons that were more obvious, but this is a new understanding that I was wholly unaware of before your remark)

Thanks for the book recommendation. I will look out for this.

i don't think you are preaching, all comments welcome if constructive. I truly do believe that knowledge is power - thank you for your response especially how you have highlighted the need for order and control.  

The autism online 50 questions is important as a structure to provide the mind with order and reason and control because that's how the AS mind works. that's what the aspie identity craves for. Once that's there then there is less room for work anxiety worry and personal disbelief. The whole philosophy of the education system does not take the autistic identity or mindset into account so that's why potential autistic teens will find it hard to deal with. Realisation and responding can be liberating mentally and emotionally. Being bold enough to dare to be different. So I think that aspies need support and belief rather than denial and avoidance. If I am preaching and you don't like then please excuse me and rebuke where appropriate.

If the actually going to university thing proves to much, maybe the Open University might be an option possibly?

And for a bit of self-interest/better comprehension and you're not alone vibe for your daughter, perhaps see if she finds the following site of use also:

https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/

yes, whilst i'm not one for labelling people , therecould be a huge benefit to having some sort of "explanation" for things - less feeling in isolation. Good for some, maybe not for others. with regards to support, this site is great for that . thanks.

Good luck with your daughter's upcoming assessment. I'm diagnosed ASD1 only recently and know I would have hugely benefitted from this being formally recognised was I was a teenager. At 52, I couldn't care less what label doctors put on me, but I have a teenage daughter who is a dead ringer for my personality and the last thing she wants is for her ASD to be formally recognised. Don't think too far ahead - There's is lots of support out there - Use that which works for you.

Thanks. Luckily the uni is one that we visited twice before and that she was accepted into last year , only deciding to have gone for the other option. Your advice on becoming familiar with the building and campus etc is something I have already discussed with her, even trying out the bus route together. I will however investigate the support services on offer and I was not aware of the disabled student allowance, so I shall look into that . My thinking is, that if she isn't given a formal diagnosis for whatever reason, the social issues and the impact of change are still going to be a major barrier. We will definitely need a plan  going forward. 

Hi,

I echo others advice about you and your daughter putting a document together about how she meets the different diagnostic criteria for autism. It does help to be pushy. I mentioned I thought I had autism to a Dr and 2 psychiatrists and they all said I wouldn't have ASD! Luckily the third one gave me the screener questionnaire which I filled in and sent to the local autism unit, which led to my diagnosis.

In regards to your daughter's transition to uni the good news is it that you have around 10 months to prepare. You could spend this time getting your daughter comfortable with the campus, such as going to their food outlets for lunch occasionally, walking around the campus etc. Have you been in touch with their disability services about your concerns? They may be able to help, such as finding your students lecture rooms in advance so that she can go and sit in them in the summer to familiarize herself with them. you might also be able to join the library as a guest and obtain past papers for any exams for her course.

If your daughter applies for the Disabled Students Allowances, either as a student with MH issues or ASD, she may be entitled to mentoring support.

Wow, brilliant reply thanks. I have lots of reading to do during 2018. 

I have recently done this whole A.S. test thing and went from 32 denial to about 45 honest. I am 51 and I am finding it a gradual process to adjust all my thinking and behaviours but it is worthwhile as I have at last found peace and mental order. I have done the G.P. bit and I am awaiting assessment. The 50 questions can provide structure to help one adjust to what one is anyway. Your daughter needs to come to terms with this situation and this condition. that's hard because society programmes you into normal thinking. get the book by An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis Gillan Drew (Author) . I found this book wow. But the most important thing is your daughter has to own the condition and her new life because this condition shapes the way you think and behave and there is no escape from that. the reaction of society is mostly not positive either. So use your parent skills to coach her into the path that she finds is right for her. Each person has their own Aspergers skin. Your daughter has to find hers. Educate yourself and then work with your daughter at her pace. Society in general does not deal with this at all because there is an overwhelming urge to conform and fit in. There are no easy answers and no quick solutions as life is a journey. Assessment and diagnosis is simply the beginning of something new.

Hmmm......interesting. i did do the test myself, i scored 15. its a starting point i guess, but there are many layers to be explored. Thanks.

Thank you to everyone who has replied - this morning the GP said that she will be referring her for the assessment. My daughter went with notes this time, (thanks seekeraftertruth!)  and she was able to explain her concerns in more depth. Whatever the outcome, both of us have found a new community with a whole new info . Truly appreciated.

I'd just like to say good for you, for helping your daughter with this. I can't help with the GP stuff as I was disgnosed privately, but as with your daughter there were a number of things that I read/watched that lead to a lightbulb moment and then on to the day that explained my whole life to date. I have Aspergers.

I don't dwell on not knowing sooner (I am in my 40s) but certainly do recognise that if I had know at your daughter's age, a lot of things would have been easier for me and there are certainly some things that I would have done differently, or not done at all. What I am trying to say is good for you, it is a positive thing, knowing ... for example if your lass understands where her anxiety is coming from, she may well find it easier to manage. 

Best of luck to both of you, and I hope you are able to get some answers

That's great to hear! It's great that she has you to help her get the support she needs.

The provision for autism in adults can be quite different from that for children - as is the case for many disabilities/disorders, once you get to adulthood the NHS funding seems to disappear. Also, autism care is done by different providers in each county in the UK, so the level of support can differ. Read around the subject and discuss things with your daughter - if you're both sure she has it then stand your ground and don't accept no for an answer. For myself, I know 100% that I have it but my initial diagnosis came back "not really sure" because my mum didn't notice any quirky things from my childhood and I had friends. I was invited back for a second interview to discuss it, and I provided more evidence, did some visual/maths tests, and suggested they speak to my sister instead, before they came back with a "yes" (we had a good laugh at the things my sister remembered!). I didn't settle for a "maybe, not sure" because I know 100% that I have it. I went the extra mile because it was important to me to get the diagnosis.

When I took another family member for assessment, for which I think they present clear indications, the specialists didn't take it any further because my family member wasn't having severe difficulties at the time, which I agree with so we didn't push for it. So, my point is, if you're certain, and you think the diagnosis would help as it could unlock some support for your daughter, keep pushing until you get it.

It's okay to go for further assessment or second opinions - remember that you know your daughter better than they do, so make sure you can gather and present the evidence that would help them make their decision. This would be of the form of things she struggled with when she was little, any speech or developmental delays, friendships and social groups, routines, what would cause meltdowns or what would cause calmness. Note that whilst people with autism share many traits, we're all different and it's a spectrum condition, so some people might have had late development and few friends, and others might have had accelerated development for some things, and a circle of friends, so it might be useful to just categorise your evidence but don't worry if you have nothing for certain categories - it just means that your daughter had no obvious difficulties with that particular thing.

Hope that's useful.

Seconding Robert123 and seekeraftertruth, you might find that these curves help provide some context for your daughter's AQ score: