Having aspergers and children

hi, 

so ive just been diagnosed with Aspergers, and it's put a lot in perspective about my future. Children aren't really on my mind and never have been tbh and I'm still to young to think about such things (24) 

However it has had me question if I should consider having a child?

my first question is do I put my child at risk or having a higher chance of being on the autistic spectrum ? I no my life has been very difficult being on the spectrum even as a high functioning aspie. I'm insure if it would be fair to knowingly do that to my child especially as they could have a more severe case of autism ? 

Secondly, as an aspie parent could I cope with having a child and the challengers and disruption they bring?

would just like perspective from aspie parents, aspies who have opted out of children and neurotypical parents with children on the spectrum.

  • Hi,

    My husband has Asperger syndrome and I have no formal diagnosis, but I certainly have traits.  Our eldest son has AS and our youngest has acquired the label, 'Social, Emotional and Mental Health' as his primary need on his Education, health and Care plan..

    I think we made mistakes but not due to autism or autistic traits, rather due to our initial lack of understanding of the condition. My husband was not diagnosed until approximately three years after our eldest son received his diagnosis.

    I think your insight into autism and your experience as an individual with autism will be a huge resource if you have children with autism or related conditions.

  • Hi,

    Neither my wife nor I knew that we had Asperger's when we first thought about having children, some 23 years ago.  Before we married, we had no plans for children, but my wife had a cholesterol test to give an indication if she also had my hyperlipidaemia gene (which she didn't).

    So many years later, we have two living teenager daughters (one only for a few weeks before she turns 20).  One is NT but with a HfASD partner, the other shows a few traits but not enough to seek a diagnosis - her partner is also seeking diagnosis!  Then there was the third child who acquired severe cerebal palsey at birth (quadraplegic, severe brain damage), for whom we made the decision - based on logic - not to continue treatment.

    Somehow our 2 remaining daughters have grown into nicely rounded individuals, both with high intellectual ability but both have decided to make their careers in the arts.

    There were times when they were little when my reactions to their behaviour was disproportional - especially if it interrupted me concentrating or their noise was too much.  They also got dragged along a lot to our obsessive interest hobby - one of them now hates it and avoids it like the plague (unless she's being paid to take 'photos of it) and the other is gently active on the fringes of it.

    It was scary bringing them up, and we both would have liked a detailed child operating instruction manual.  But they've turned out OK.

    Would we have had them if we'd known that we had Asperger's?  Almost certainly.

    It's hard work, though!

  • Thank you both for getting in touch with me and your views on the subject. 

    I have been reading through some of the posts on people with children on the spectrum to get an understanding of the struggles.

    for me on the spectrum I was very compliant in order to fit in and so I went under the radar untill teen years when it all became a horrible nightmare and I feel I don't view the benefits of being on the spectrum for myself personally. It's hard for me to know if I would even be a good parent as I've always lacked that maternal instinct anyway. 

    I know however with yourself misfit I don't no if I would cope well with the what if , if I didn't have children. Especially as my child could well be a neurptypical as my parent is. Although then a neurptypical child may bring about other difficulties with me being on the spectrum.

    8ita defninatly food for thought and a hard decision at that. 

  • Hello. Unfortunately, children don't come with instructions and being a parent is like jumping in the deep sometimes. It is good that you are thinking ahead of your role as a potential parent and taking into account all the possible pros and cons. I know we cannot change our genes and they will be inhered by our children but think about typical parenting situations and your response to them, will you be ready to overcome any possible problems. You will not be alone as a parent, so think about these things together with your partner. Wishing you all the best! :)

  • Hello Nadielou. It’s good that you are thinking ahead and trying to make an informed decision about whether to try to have children in the future. I think this is a really huge question because it covers so many different issues. If you have a partner naturally they would be part of the discussion and you would hopefully come to a joint decision when the time came to plan for a family. Planning for a family whether single or with a partner could include trying for your own babies, fostering, adoption, surrogacy so there are different ways to bring children into your home to be part of your family. 

    It is thought that Autism is genetic. So an autistic person conceiving could produce a child with autism. You could do an Internet search about statistics for this information.  

    I think the question of whether we pass our genes on to our children in any number of scenarios is very personal decision. The outcome can’t be known as to the type or severity. But you could ask yourself about what you have gained and enjoyed in life and whether you would or wouldn’t have preferred to have had those experiences. There are thousands of people with autism ranging from those who are successful ( and have careers/jobs, relationships and children )to those who need full time care. 

    Sadly, I do not have children of my own. But I have seen that all families have ups and downs and challenges in bringing up a family. As you will see on the forum some parents have a tough time and others not as tough. Again it’s a very personal decision. I always wanted a family of my own and it’s been very hard at times not to have had that. At other times I’m relieved that I didn’t, because like you my life has been difficult and not sure if I could have been a good parent. So what I think is very mixed up. It certainly isn’t a straightforward question or answer. I hope you will get other responses.